Saga Of The European King

"Birds!" cried the King. He was angry. "This close to the Captial City Of Europe?"

"How can this be?" moaned Axe Axewound, who hadn't figured it out yet. They birds were puffins and penguins. They were Winter birds. Winter had heard about the adventure to kill him, and he was obviously scared. So he sent birds. The King was pretty sure already that this was the case, so he was already waist deep in birds, killing them every which way. He was just laughing and saying "Birds are shit! Birds are shit!" over and over.

Everyone just watched the King do this, since he seemed to know what he was doing. Eventually, the King was just covered in birds and no one could see him and they allowed themselves to think that maybe the King was in danger, and then they felt so bad because, what if the whole quest had ended two miles outside of Europe's Capital City because they had just been chilling, watching the King get eaten by birds? Then they felt shame in their hearts, but the shame mixed with their warrior blood and it made them want to hurt birds, really bad.

Axe Axewound used his flaming enchanted axe to cut a fiery, bloody swathe through the birds to get to the King. The idea was that he was supposed to be followed by Father Dominoes so that he could do a heal on the King and he'd be okay. The army of guys with magic swords ran at the birds to distract them and piss them off, so Colonel Glowfist could work up some kind of awesome spell to make everything cool again. Sally the thief just kind of waved her knife around and nearly got puffined to death.

Axe brought down lots and lots of birds. More birds even than that. It was so many birds. He had been a veteran of the European Bird Wars, so he both hated birds (he didn't get on with Commander Flightfeather, but they had a mutual respect thing going) and was very good at killing them. Also, his axe was on fire, so the birds that were just near him got set on fire and flew off and set other birds on fire and, wow, there were a lot of dead birds. But when he cut through to save the King, he found that the King was just sitting down, totally cool. There wasn't a bird on him, they were all maintaining a polite distance. There were two birds sitting in his lap. He was talking to them calmly and gently, like a father. He was kind of like a father to Europe, and also to his son, so this came naturally to him.

Just then, Colonel Glowfist sucked each and every bird into his mouth and ate them all, even though there were thousands. All that was left was a field covered in bird poo and lots of feathers, as well as the two birds that the King had in his lap. The King looked up, disappointed. He shouted out across the field to Colonel Glowfist.

"Did I give the order for you to eat those birds, honoured Colonel?" He bellowed.

Colonel Glowfist could not answer, because he was eating thousands of birds.

"What did you say to those two birds, Your Highness?" said Axe Axewound, softly. The King looked down at the two birds in his lap. They looked up at him. They were tamer than shoes. He looked back up at Axe Axewound.

"I told them about sadness, Axe. And they 'got' me." Axe knew what he was talking about. Just then, Father Dominoes arrived, out of breath, because he was fat. But the King didn't need much healing. That was cool, because Sally Minefield needed, like, eight heals just so she could survive the night.

They decided to name the two birds Gadfly and Formation, after much debate. Gadfly was a penguin, Formation was a puffin. They followed the King's party wherever they went. They would play a valuable role later on.

Meanwhile, General Majesty's contingent had met a strange old man…

End Of Chapter 4