Saga Of The European King

The King and his adventuring friends rode East on their donkeys until they were sore and tired and hungry, and that’s a big deal because these guys were hardcore. Except for Father Dominoes, who was fat and drank a lot of alcohol.

The King was using Gadfly and Formation to track Terrorthaw now. Their sense were homing in on him.
“One day more, trusted and awesome friends. Just one day more.” He said to them one night.
“Please, can we rest the night. We are so tired, even though most of us are pretty hardcore,” complained Sally Minefield. At this, the King screamed. He just screamed and stamped his feet and scared the birds and Sally started to cry.
“Serves you right! Serves you right!” said Axe Axewound. “The King knows what he’s doing. He’s cool.”
“Mmph!” said Colonel Glowfist, his mouth full of birds.

They rode on until morning, and the birds led them to a small European town that the King had not personally visited for many years. He dismounted his donkey and spoke to the gatekeeper.
“I am the King Of Europe. I am on an adventure. You will let me in, most honoured gatekeeping friend.”
The gatekeeper loved the King, so he let them all in. The King taught him a trick with a handkerchief so that he could amuse his children. The gatekeeper was very grateful.

The King did not find the rest of the citizens of this European town so nice, though. This town had fallen to Terrorthaw’s dark influence. Thieves and bad people ran the place now, and even the mayors and chieftains who the King had appointed over a lunch were scared. The King saw this and told everyone to line up against the outside of the town wall. He meant it. He was really angry. He stamped again and Sally cried again, but he got everyone in the town to line up against the wall.

“Where is Terrorthaw?” he bellowed at the first person in the line. “Please tell me, I love you! You love me! I’m your King! Please!” He shouted. But the first guy in the line was a bandit and generally bad, so he didn’t love the King. He didn’t say anything, and then the King just hugged him. He hugged him so hard and so long that he dropped the floor, gasping. The King went on to the next person in the line and repeated the whole process. He would do so until someone told him about Terrorthaw.

He kept doing this until he had hugged every single person in the town to the point of exhaustion. There were a few people in the town who did love the King, but they didn’t know anything about Terrorthaw, other than that he was the King’s nemesis and would feed off the bodies of frozen peasants. Nobody wanted to be fed on by Terrorthaw, so people in Europe in those times had their bodies burned, just in case. Those kind souls who loved the King were also hugged, but they weren’t exhausted by it. They were empowered, and they were always happy afterwards.

“Show yourself, Terrorthaw! Give me back my European town!” shouted the King at the sky, once he had hugged everyone in the town. “It’s not yours!”
Just then, two birds carrying a magic mirror swooped out of the sky. In the magic mirror was the face of Terrorthaw. He grinned, and it was horrible because his face was so messed up from all the times he had been defeated. Some parts of his face were cybernetic, because he had been to the future on one occasion.

“Foolish King! Silly King! You were never as clever as me!” said Terrorthaw. I was not -in- the town, I –was- the town!
Just then, the town stood up, and loads and loads and loads of birds flew up from every building and every rooftop. In the tallest tower of the town’s church stood Terrorthaw. He had wires coming out of him and going into the walls of the church.

“This time we finish it!” said the King, slowly and dramatically.

End Of Chapter 9