Saga Of The European King

It took a full day and a full night for Colonel Glowfist to finally chew his way through all the birds he had sucked into his mouth. By that time, Terrorthaw and the King were long gone and all the excitement of the battle with the town had died away. The townspeople now with no homes or places of business, as they had all driven away as part of Terrorthaw’s body. They decided to build one of those homeless communities that you see sometimes, like when your pizza route takes you out to the poor parts of town where they just let really sad, homeless guys just wander around, doing nothing. They took some of the bits that had broken off the town in the fight and cut some trees and such and made little rows of shacks that they lived in. They even built a little shack to keep the rain off the unconscious bodies of the King’s adventuring friends.

Colonel Glowfist couldn’t fit in the shack, because he was, by now, really, really fat. His cloak, which used to be cool and billowy, was now too tight for him to wear. The townspeople had to tie rags around his body to keep him from getting cold. He just sat out in the rain for a day and a night, eating raw birds. He was very, very tired, as he not slept for many days, what with all the chewing. The first thing he did when he cast his Party Revive spell was roll his giant mass onto some loose hay and slept for eighteen hours straight. By the time he awoke, Father Dominoes had healed everyone else into tip-top shape with the spells in his Bible and everyone was sitting around him, waiting for him to wake up so that they could get a move on.

“Hello, cherished friends and fellows.” Said Colonel Glowfist when he woke up. “I feared very much that you would all die. It’s good to see that you’re so well again.” He then put his stubby little arms up for a hug, but nobody wanted to touch him. He put his arms down again and kind of rocked gently.
“He have a plan,” said Axe Axewound, in a Scottish accent. “To save the King.”
“God told me where Terrorthaw is heading,” said Father Dominoes, who could talk to God, which was useful because God could see everything. “He’s going to attack the Capital City Of Europe.”
“But the King is still alive,” said Sally Minefield. “On my nineteenth birthday, he gave me this ring that would turn into an engagement ring when I got to level 20 and became either a thief-mage or upgraded into a ninja.” Then she started to cry, gently. “It is bound to his very soul. If he was to be destroyed, then the ring would turn to adders and eat itself.”
“That has not happened yet,” said Axe. “So he must be alive.”
“But why?” said Colonel Glowfist, though all of his chins and flabby lips. “Why is Terrorthaw keeping the King alive.”
“He must be using the psychology,” said Father Dominoes. “He and Terrorthaw were close childhood friends. The King knows Terrorthaw better than anyone else alive.”
Everyone nodded at this, because it was true.
“How are we going to catch up with the town?” Asked the Colonel, who was still groggy from all the sleeping.
“We will ride through Hell itself.” Said Father Dominoes, dangerously. “It will be a shortcut.”
“Last time we rode through Hell, we barely made it out alive.” Whispered Sally Minefield.
“We have to be strong, lassie, for the King’s sake.” Said Axe, hugging her. It was a very touching moment, and Sally understood.
“When we ride out of Hell, we will meet with Commander Flightfeather. We can warn him about Terrorthaw and we can use all of our wit and strength to bring him down.” Said Father Dominoes.
“This time, permanently!” said Axe, still hugging Sally.
“Let’s go, Adventure Friends!” said Colonel Glowfist, sticking up his arms again. No body helped him up for at least thirty seconds.

They rode out on their donkeys at midnight. But Colonel Glowfist was too fat to ride on his donkey. Fortunately, he was an archmage and knew the spell for Awesome Horse. It summoned a demon horse with demon strength, but even so, he needed two of them and a few planks of wood to carry him. He was really fat.

End Of Chapter 11