Saga Of The European King

The found the nearest doorway into Hell no problem. The King kept them very tidy and well marked, because it was the doorways into Hell that supplied European soldiers and brave warriors with demons to fight. Other kingdoms just buried or blew up any doorways into Hell that they found, and that is why Europe’s armies were so strong and so cool, because they fought demons pretty much every day.

The last time the King and his Adventure Friends had been in Hell had turned out pretty well, in the end. Terrorthaw had teamed up with Mystic Boy (who was from the past) and tricked the Devil into coming up and taking the King down to Hell with him. The King knew that the Devil was essentially honourable, so he asked if, rather than being dragged down to Hell like a commoner, he could ride into Hell with his reindeer friend, Gappy. The Devil was cool with that, but imagine his surprise when a full legion of soldiers and all of the King’s Adventure Friends (not including Father Dominoes, who was on a solo mission to the Heartlands at that point, and also Rigor Mantis and Jungle Spiderweb were adventuring with them,) jumped off of Gappy and then a fight started. The soldiers all got killed, and the King and his friends got sent to Hell’s prison, but to cut a long story short, Terrorthaw ended up in Hell and the King and the Devil parted amiably and shook hands. The safest thing for the Adventure Friends to do now would be to find the Devil and ask him if they could walk through Hell, hoping he’d say ‘yes.’

As they rode through on their donkeys and their Awesome Horses, the Adventure Friends passed a lot of the damned, who were always sad and reminded them a lot of homeless people. They thought of the people in the town that had been stolen by Terrorthaw, and that made all of them sad. They agreed on the first night that they would get the town back and everyone would have homes again and everyone would be made to love the King so that they didn’t end up like the damned in Hell. Hell was full of the souls of people who did not love the King. It is sad to say, but there were a lot of people in the world in Medieval times who did not love the King or had not even heard of him (and so did not love him.) Some of these people even lived in Europe, where you’d expect everyone to love the King. Not so.

On their second day in Hell, one of the damned women ran up to Colonel Glowfist’s two horses. She was a strong, independent woman, who knew her own mind and was really way ahead of the times, even though time was meaningless in Hell.
“Hi,” she said. “If you were less fat, I think I’d probably love you.” She said to Colonel Glowfist. This made him sad, and he even cried a little, but he pretended to be scratching his nose.
“My name’s Roxy Tripfoot.” She said. “Do you want to meet the Devil? I’ll take you to him.”

It turns out they had been going the wrong way.

End Of Chapter 12