Saga Of The European King

Without even a night’s rest or a shower, the King took right off to the Cave Of Gyrolevikar. He ordered pretty much all of his soldiers to make camp inside the walls of Jerusalem, but took one hundred men with him, as well, of course, as his Adventure Friends, who really wanted some action. They rode Gappy for another whole day, camped out in a big old tree for the night, and arrived at the cave in the morning. This was the cave where Ba’al, the big old demon lived. Years ago, the King had killed Ba’al’s daughter, Ashleighroth, and got kidnapped by Ba’al and hung over a big pit while scorpions crawled down some ropes, coming to get him. If Michael hadn’t showed up with the grappling hook, the King would have surely have suffered a nasty sting.

The King wanted to get even with Ba’al after all these years. No one should ever make him look like a fool and get away with it. He sprinkled some demon-killing liquid over Cutty’s blade. Cutty complained.
“That water burns, Your Majesty, and it makes me hallucinate! You know that!”
“That’s because you’re part-demon, Cutty. If you bothered to be a better sword, we wouldn’t need the demon-water.” Muttered the King.
“Please don’t say mean things, Your Majesty. I’m sorry. I can’t help what I am. I just want you to be happy and well. Your hands are so rough!” said Cutty, starting to cry.
“I’m sorry Cutty. I will grant you mercy, just this once.” Said the King. He waved over to the others, lit a torch, and they all stormed the cave.

The first thing they ran into were bats. Bats were a joke. They were like birds, but not nearly as tough, no beaks and much smaller. Some of them could bite you and give you rabies, but Psalm 19: 10 could take that right away no probs. The one hundred men armed with swords that could cut through anything laughed as they massacred the bats.
“Stupid flower-lovers!” they said. “Go be stupid!” and so on.
The King and his Adventure Friends didn’t even get to kill a single bat, that’s how stupid the bats were. Later on, Axe Axewound got a spider that had somehow scurried through the soldier’s legs, and half a spitting snake nearly made it to the King, but on the whole the monsters of the cave weren’t much good. The King sighed. It had been so much more exciting when he was a boy. One spider was a threat, and bats could mess up your aim or get in your hair, at least. He got bored quite quickly and wondered about the Jewel Of Gyrolevikar. It was said to be able to produce any liquid endlessly from its one flaw. One of noble heritage or a hot lady could whisper to its cool side whichever liquid you wanted to come out of it. Michael had always spoken of using its powers to fuel the greatest party he would ever throw. He would have it pour forth a swimming pool of ale, a river of pina colada, a lagoon of mixer. The rivers that fed Jerusalem would be filled to the floodgates with vanilla vodka. When he was a teenager, the King had coveted the Jewel for the mere purpose of secret binges after lights-out at Camp that year. How his perceptions had shifted with the weight of adulthood!

The soldiers ahead of them were making light work of the giant snails, frogs, bears and the one T.Rex in the cave and built bridges over the bottomless in the floor and made sure all the stalagmites had fallen by running under them and quickly running back, when the King was jerked back by his cat-like alertness to a noise that he had just heard. He knew the noise was danger, and dived into the crowd of soldiers so that he may get to the front and protect them. But even the King was not quick enough to save the front twenty-two men from being burnt to a crisp by fiery Hell-fire. He ploughed through the panicking soldiers and thrust Cutty out into the flame so that he may deflect it. The soldiers made way for the Adventure Friends, who had experience with this kind of thing. They struck their poses, but the camera pulled back from their faces and up on a crane, and then we saw that they were surprised, and maybe even a bit embarrassed. Then we cut to what’s in front of them, the thing that burnt all the men and has surprised the King and his Adventure Friends like that.
“Ashleighroth!” snarled the King. It was his old enemy, returned, somehow from death itself. Though the King recognized her, she looked different from before. She was a different, more hardcore colour, and she had more spikes and her hair was up on end.
“No!” She screamed. “Super Ashleighroth!”

Then they fought.

End Of Chapter 22