Saga Of The European King

Ashleighroth used all of her attacks against the Adventure Friends, and, when the chips were down, her super-attacks too. Sally got knocked out before she could sneak up behind the demon, and that happened pretty early on in the fight. Axe Axewound got all up in her face while Colonel Glowfist kept him all magicked out with shields and whatnot. Roxy kept the healing coming and the King just kept on throwing David, armed with Cutty and protected by his Chinese belt, right between the demon’s eyes.

Ashleighroth went down, and it was emotional because she was the first demon the King had ever killed and here he was, all these years later, killing her again. It made him wonder what he had accomplished in the years between. Then he remembered that he was King of Europe and that everyone loved him and that he had done enough adventuring for three lifetimes and that he was eighty four and still looked good, and had this kid that he loved and was great, so all in all he had had a sweet life so far. So he felt good when Ashleighroth hit the floor of the cave and screamed and melted.

The Adventure Team didn’t celebrate. They knew better than that. They knew to expect the demon to get up, change colour and maybe grow into a giant and then try to kill them again. They knew to expect the demon to be replaced with two demons, which would be doubly hard to kill. They knew to expect the floor of the cave to drop away for no reason, or for the whole place to start to explode. They knew to expect another demon to come out of the shadows, a demon that is pissed off and angry. This is what happened. Ba’al, Keeper Of The Jewel Of Gyrolevikar, who had once bested the King himself in combat, came out of the shadows of the cave and screamed. The soldiers who had been hanging around the back of the cave screamed too and charged at Ba’al, eager to protect their King, but Ba’al just ate fifty of them really messily. He didn’t even care to swallow, he just wanted to get as many of them in his mouth as possible and chew. It was so gross. The King was disgusted. He hurled David at the demon-king, and David cut Ba’al’s head right off, stopping the eating.

While Ba’al grew two new heads to replace his old one, he talked with the King. He was upset, because the King had killed his daughter again.
“Real fathers don’t keep their kids in a cave all their lives!” bellowed the King, putting his hand on David’s head and ruffling his hair. The King had once had a daughter who was such a super-hot vixen babe that he had to have her locked in a tower, so he knew what he was talking about. That’s why he decided to start again with David, who had never been locked up anywhere his entire life.
“Do you know how long I had to wait in queues in Hell to get her back?” cried Ba’al. “I didn’t want to lose her again!”
“Hand over the Jewel Of Gyrolevikar, archfiend.” Snarled the King, getting ready to throw David again.
“You can’t. It’s mine. I need the liquids for my projects,” said Ba’al, “Besides, even you couldn’t beat me. Not even your father could beat me.”
“Colonel!” screamed the King, hurling David with all of his might. Colonel Glowfist whipped out his License To Kick Ass and, as his obscene piles of fat drifted away and his one filthy rag was replaced by the finest sheer leather cloak, Roxy Tripfoot’s heart beat so fast that she had to sit down, right there in the middle of the fight. She was sweating hard and she couldn’t see. Colonel Glowfist leaped right up into the air, caught David as he flew towards Ba’al’s heads, used some magic so that David turned into a giant monster with spikes, then forced the David monster, who was also on fire, down Ba’al’s throat where he exploded, and wet pieces of Ba’al flew everywhere. Colonel Glowfist then picked up Axe Axewound, and did the trick again, only this time he shoved him down Ba’al’s other throat on his other head. Then the License To Kick Ass wore off, and Roxy had to get up on her shaky legs and cast a Drastic Heal spell to counteract Colonel Glowfist’s heart attack. She cradled his fat head in her lap and got him to sip some lemon tea. Axe Axewound and David also turned back to normal, by the way.

Ba’al lay down on the cave floor next to his dead daughter. He was pretty embarrassed.
“Okay. Guys, you can borrow the Jewel. But just for one day. It’s mine and I need it. Clear?”
The King did not think that this was an honourable deal. He reckoned that Ba’al needed to be taught an important lesson.
“Deal,” said the King, extending a hand out to Ba’al, who took it and got up. “But there’s one condition, Ba’al.”
“What’s that?” said Ba’al, dusting himself off.
“Do you still play those drums?”
“Sure do.” Ba’al winked.

End Of Chapter 23