Saga Of The European King

Sally Minefield crawled her way out of the vent into another underwater cave. She had been swimming for hours. She had been picking underwater locks left, right and centre. She was very tired and she was very cold, but she had found the pool lights. The cave she had just swum in to was lit and beautiful, just like how a pool should be at a truly awesome party. Thanks to her magic amulet, she could breathe underwater, so she could take the time to just hang out underwater and take in the beauty of the pool lights and be thankful to be in this particular underwater cave. Unfortunately, the cave was also home to the Death Fish.

Axe Axewound had been thrown to the Death Fish an hour earlier. He was finding it very irritating. He was shivering on a little pointy ledge in the underwater cave, up to his kilt in silty cave water. He was soaked and he was very cold. He gripped his axe in tight readiness, as he was afraid he might come down with something. Flu, maybe. Flu was deadlier in Medieval times, because they had no science or doctors. Also, it was eight feet high. An axe to the face was much more effective against flu back then. It was because of evolution that flu and other diseases became so small and harder to kill.

The Death Fish was still screeching away on her little plastic bed by the pool lights. When the Rock People came in the back way to check on her and see if she’d eaten Axe yet, she shrieked even louder and threatened to use her magic on them. The Rock People were very afraid of magic, because they didn’t have any of their own. There were no Rock People wizards, no warlocks, no witches or even priests, who weren’t really all that magical. All priests could do was read old books, but they got a lot of credit because they didn’t have much sex with people and everyone thought this was pretty weird, so gave them the benefit of the doubt on most things. Rock People had heard about magic from their neighbours in Europe and Hell, and had seen Colonel Glowfist do some serious magic stuff a while ago, and they really didn’t want anyone to try any magic on them. When the Death Fish mentioned magic, they shrank right back out of the cave and left her with the pool lights.

“I’ll never finish my tan with all these distractions!” shouted the Death Fish, rolling over onto her stomach. Axe Axewound tried to ask her some questions, but she wouldn’t listen and just then Sally Minefield emerged from the water and pretty much saved the day.

“Sally Minefield!” glommed this random Rock Person when Sally walked up the stairs leading from the Death Fish’s cave with Axe Axewound’s arm in one hand and the pool lights dangling from the other. The Rock People knew Sally Minefield as a good friend of the King, since she was with him last time he had saved the Rock Kingdom from doom. Axe Axewound had been away on an adventure in the East at the time, where he learned how to meditate and use a samurai axe. “What are you doing with the enemy of Europe, Axe Axewound?”
Sally explained everything. She told them that Axe had been a friend of Europe and the King for a long time, that the fat woman in the cave couldn’t do any magic (she knew this because she had gone to school with the Death Fish) and that Michael needed the pool lights back whether the Death Fish wanted a tan or not. She also assured them that humans sometimes get tired when they are fat and that Colonel Glowfist was probably not dead. Then they had to stop some Rock People from throwing his corpse into a pit of molten lava, which is the honoured Rock Person custom for dead people. They arrived in the nick of time, and Colonel Glowfist eventually woke up and needed something to eat, because his blood sugar was low.

After he had eaten a dozen moles, Colonel Glowfist went to the Big Rocks and told him about the plan to break into the Viking prison colony. The Big Rocks were interested, and gave Colonel Glowfist two hundred of the best Rock Soldiers to help him. Colonel Glowfist was so relieved. Without the cooperation of the Rock People, he wasn’t quite sure how he would have rescued Burzum.

End Of Chapter 26