Saga Of The European King

The breakout of the Viking prison colony was going smooth. Axe Axewound and some Rock People friends were just killing guards and rioters all over the place. Vikings may be tough, but a giant, flaming axe in the midsection will get you every time. Sally had been stabbed by one of the guards by accident and Colonel Glowfist had to carry her on his massive back. He wasn’t doing much else. He had used up most of his spells for the day on the first few guards. Burzum was following at a distance, hiding behind the barrels. There were barrels everywhere in the prison. Most of them were empty, but some of them had chicken dinners and medikits inside, so Axe Axewound was trying to smash them all so that Sally could get better. But then he smashed barrels that they could have climbed on to get to a secret area, so they missed out on the goodies.

The goodies were:

1 large medikit
5 jewels (blue)
1 pair of roller skates (for speed)
Some ammo
10 rings
A mask that made you invincible for fifty seconds

Some prisoner must have stashed them up high in case of a riot or something. Maybe it was the warden’s personal supply of good stuff. Whatever. Nobody could get at it now that the barrels were gone so it was all basically useless. Eventually, they found a medikit just lying on the floor down an alleyway and Sally got all better.

Burzum was just chilling out during the escape. He wasn’t in such a hurry. He was making up a song in his head that all brutal and truthful and Lord of the Rings. He knew that he would be alright. His naked friend, Carolyn, was right up front with Colonel Glowfist, suggesting directions and being helpful. She had a mission to accomplish, and to do that she needed to get out of this prison colony and find the King. After a little while, fifty guards and one really huge guy who took a lot of hits and could throw you around so it really hurt, Colonel Glowfist’s team got out of the prison. They met up with the surviving Rock People (there were thirty seven of them) and they hustled back to the Rock Kingdom to stay the night. They had a big dinner party with the Big Rocks and in the morning they headed back to Europe with Burzum, the pool lights and Carolyn too.

Michael had been practicing with Ba’al and Leonard Cohen the whole day, and as he greeted Colonel Glowfist’s team upon their return, suggested that they all go grab some beers. So they went up into the mountains, and did some snowboarding while drinking a good brand of beer. The King did the best tricks, because his snowboarding skills were the best, but Colonel Glowfist used some magic to make it look as if he could do smooth 720s. So the King got the most points, of course, but Michael was a close second. Sally Minefield, surprisingly, came third. It turns out that being a rouge automatically makes you pretty awesome at snowboarding. Everyone took note of this for later, because it might be important.

After the beers, Michael arranged the Adventure Friends into crack party-organizing squads. The party was the next day and they had to hit it with everything they had. Sally, Roxy and Carolyn cleaned up the place, which Sally liked and Roxy hated, and Carolyn just spoke mysteriously about her husband the whole time to which Roxy rolled her eyes. After that, they set up all the seating and ashtrays for the expected three hundred thousand guests. Colonel Glowfist summoned some demons to put up the balloons and set up the sound system. Demons understood sound. The King and Axe went around Jerusalem inviting everyone. The King called up General Majesty on the Magic Telephone and invited him too, even though he knew that General Majesty wouldn’t be able to come. Michael and his best Jews were on the booze situation. They wrung as much good stuff out of the Jewel of Gyrolevikar as they possibly could. Ba’al, Burzum, and Leonard Cohen set up the stage.

It was going to be the greatest party.

End Of Chapter 28