Saga Of The European King

Colonel Glowfist was in Axe Axewound’s tent with David, teaching him some magic. Actually, they’d only been training together for a few weeks and they hadn’t got to any real magic yet. David couldn’t do any spells or magic missiles or anything. So far, Colonel Glowfist was just telling David how to be cool and how to relax and how to get in a state of mind so that magic can be learned. Colonel Glowfist was teaching David how to meditate.

Getting David to be chilled was especially important right now, because the party was only hours away. Everyone was arriving already, even though it was early, and they were bringing presents. People were even beginning to start on the drinks and the food. Colonel Glowfist had worked hard to set up a magical field around the town so that, anywhere in Jerusalem, someone at the party could click their fingers and would get either a pina colada (if they clicked the fingers on their left hand) or a hot dog (if they clicked the fingers on their right hand). Clicking them again would send the pina colada or the hot dog back to the pile in the kitchen if you had clicked your fingers by accident or just wanted to groove to the cool tunes. This was all a lot of excitement for a six year old like David, so Colonel Glowfist had to prepare him and keep him calm. The King wanted David to be cool about this, his first party. The King didn’t want David to spaz out or do something weird that would make people think that he wasn’t good at parties.

“You need to imagine that you have this really great secretary who does everything for you, and that there’s nothing to worry about. She’s got your back. If you slip up or forget someone’s birthday, your secretary is going to make it all okay. She’s answering the phones. She’s making sure that there’s food in the fridge. Everything’s going to be cool with the secretary around. Now imagine that she’s forever. You are now meditating.” Said Colonel Glowfist. David opened his eyes. They were shining blue.

“I am power.” Said David. Colonel Glowfist thought this was pretty impressive, but he didn’t show it. David did have the King’s blood in him, after all. He was already cooler than the other kids. David could handle things that the other kids couldn’t, like coffee and cigarettes. David could use Cutty, the King’s magic sword, which you wouldn’t be able to do unless you were a pretty high level and a good guy. Why wouldn’t his eyes glow blue when he meditated? It made sense, thought Colonel Glowfist.

“Close your eyes, David. You can’t be power right now. You need to just chill. Tell me about your mom. What’s up with her?” said Colonel Glowfist, and then he spoke with David for a while about personal things. This helped David know what was going on in his head and helped build up trust between mentor and student. Colonel Glowfist did everything for a reason. The rest of the session went really well and David was happy and centred, but didn’t want to jump around and shout all the time and hang on to people’s sleeves like other kids. David was going to be happy in a quiet, wise sort of way. “Yeah,” said the look on David’s face after he had meditated, “I know there’s a party going on, and that it’s the best party ever made, but I’m not going to focus on that too much. That was a funny joke you just made, and I appreciate it on many levels. I get the context.”

When they went outside and saw all of the people already beginning to party even though the party wouldn’t officially start for another hour, and they saw the huge pile of presents people had brought along for no reason, and how attractive all the women were, and how laid back and cool the guys were, and how everyone was just showing their sadness and also how they were okay with their sadness and everyone else was too, David didn’t just freak out and start eating everything or hanging on people’s sleeves. He swam in the pool for a bit, met some cool people and then drove a group of them out to the top of the hill to watch the sun set. Those people were really impressed with how David handled the whole situation, because they were expected the King’s six-year old son to be totally out of control about everything and not understand what was up. Colonel Glowfist was proud of him, and told him so the next day, on the Moon.

End Of Chapter 29