Post details: Chapter 34 - Then there was this troll.
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Chapter 34 - Then there was this troll.
"Okay dude, I just need you to relax. I don't want to fight you. I just want you to get out of the way," this was General Majesty speaking, "So we can get across."
In order to cross into the Kingdom Of Sharing, where they would be able to go on to the Chillinous Plains, General Majesty and his company had to pass the icy Bridge Of Everyone, which was guarded by a troll. The troll said that he wanted to fight everyone who came across the bridge. General Majesty had five hundred and ten thousand men marching with him, which would mean a lot of fighting, and he frankly didn't have the time to spare. To be on schedule, he would have to get his men in the Chillinous Plains within two months and then Mechanicus and his detachment would only have six months to build the most hardcore castle ever. General Majesty didn't have time to waste with trolls.
"I am relaxed. I just talk like this because I am a troll," said the troll. His voice was angry and terrifying. He was eating a goat with one hand. "I have to fight anyone who comes across the bridge. If they can get me in an armlock, I let them go. If they can't, I snap them in two." The troll paused, thoughtfully. "It's something to do with immigration and trade unions. It's all very political."
"I have half a million soldiers here, dude. We'll rush you." Said General Majesty.
"I'll push you over, man. It's a thin bridge. I'm a troll."
"Damn! He's right!" said General Majesty to Mechanicus, who was sympathetic. "We'd get him eventually, but we can't spare so many men. The King needs us! How are we going to get out of this one?" Just then, the phone rang.
"Hello?" said General Majesty.
"It's the King." Said the King.
Majesty: "Your Highness! How are you?"
KING: "Bad. I'm fighting my ex-wife."
Majesty: "Oranje's back? No way! Did she finally explain why she left you?"
KING: "No! She's trying to kill me and my buds. She's learned gypsy fighting magic and we just can't kill her."
Majesty: "Oh man."
KING: "Yeah."
Majesty: "She's still got my CDs."
KING: "She's still got half of all my stuff. She's still got my dog."
Majesty: "Is Scruff with her now?"
KING: "No, Scruff's not here. It's just her and seventy Moonmen. I don't know where Scruff is."
Majesty: "Don't cry, your Highness. You'll see Scruff again."
KING: "I NEED TO KILL HER."
Majesty: "Okay. What kind of gypsy fighting magic is she using?"
KING: "Alright. Sorry. First, she just stands there and hits you right away if you get close and the Moonmen keep throwing knives at you. After a little while, she laughs and then she spins around all over the place, jumping around. You can't even jump over her when she does this, and fighting her – you can forget about it. Just as she's about to stop, she fires three energy blasts from her scythe and then kind of crouches down, out of breath for a few seconds before doing the whole thing again."
Majesty: "Okay. I've seen this magic before. One of the hot birdgirl warlords in the Bird Wars did the same thing. When she stops spinning, you need to avoid the energy blasts and fly-kick her while she's out of breath. Just keep out of her for the rest of the time."
KING: "Yeah, I think that will work. It makes sense."
Majesty: "Just make it through safely, Your Highness. Don't lose your head, man."
KING: "Okay."
Majesty: "Oh, hey, do you think you could talk to this troll for me?"
KING: "Sure."
Majesty: "It's for you."
Troll: "Hello?"
Oh, you can bet that the King talked some sense into that troll.
End Of Chapter 34
