Saga Of The European King

So here’s who got bitten by a werewolf: Axe Axewound, Sally Minefield, Gappy, David and Ba’al. All of them were cursed now and would turn into a werewolf when it was the least convenient, except for Ba’al, who was a desert god and didn’t have to deal with these things.

Gappy’s curse kicked in immediately, because that was the least convenient thing that could happen to anyone. Most people turned into wolves after they had been bitten by a werewolf, but not Gappy. Gappy wasn’t a normal person, he was a reindeer. Because of this, he didn’t turn into a wolf at all. He turned into a guy. This surprised everyone, mostly because Gappy’s reindeer magic stopped working and he couldn’t carry everyone any more. All of their stuff and their donkeys and Colonel Glowfist’s Awesome Horses and a few of the King’s soldiers that they had forgotten about, not to mention the Adventure Friends themselves, fell off of Gappy’s back when the change came. The soldiers’ names were Jacob Hillmounter and Timothy Clashradish. They were very, very hungry. They had been stuck on Gappy for quite a while.

When everyone got up, they found that Gappy had turned into a big, naked, blonde man. He was out of his mind with fear. He had never been a big, naked, blonde man before. He tried to gallop away and find a quiet spot to figure stuff out, but he nearly broke a leg in trying. The girls rushed to him to coo and calm him down, but everything looked so different and smelled so weird and sounded dull and meaningless, so he screamed. He had never screamed before. Not like this. Even Ba’al, who had once seen an entire tribe die of thirst over a period of twenty years, was surprised at the sheer terror and hurt that was in that scream. It was sadness and fear and confusion and pain all rolled into one terrible lycanthropic moment. The girls shrank back, the men just stood there, dumbfounded and Ba’al rubbed his chin thoughtfully. But the King was there and the King knew all about screaming. He was angry with his Adventure Friends that a scream like that had such an effect on them. He could have screamed like that without even trying. So what if Gappy was coughing up handfuls of blood and gore and snot? The King could scream better and harder than anyone. That is what he did. He screamed so loud that every Dracula in Romania woke up and immediately feared for their unlives.His scream travelled faster than the speed of sound. Sonic booms shot off everywhere. The scream smashed Gappy’s scream right back into his face and he was knocked unconscious. Gappy fell down to the floor and the King gave everyone this look. The look said that they shouldn’t be freaked out when people scream. The look went on to say that he, the King, could scream harder than anyone else in the world so don’t worry, you guys, he’s got it under control.

So now they had to carry Gappy, rather than the other way around. This had only happened once before. A long time ago, when the King was just a teenager, he and Michael had carried Gappy in a horse-riding race they had entered at Father Dominoes’ parish. Gappy was hung over because they had fed him beer the night before. So the King wrapped Gappy in a sleeping bag to protect him from the harsh Romanian winter and hoisted him onto his back.

After they had given some bread and cheese rations to Jacob and Timothy, they set on again for the nearest Dracula castle. The idea was that they would hit up the Dracula for information about the Dracula who had put the curse on the gypsies. Draculas were pretty tight with each other. They were all in touch with the Dracula community. They would get to the first castle the next day. They would reach a little settlement before the night set in too deeply. The King hoped that there would be a priest in the town who could remove their curses. As they marched, they updated Timothy and Jacob on their travels and adventures. They had seen most things from on top of Gappy, but they didn’t have the full story. They enjoyed the update.

They reached the town earlier than they expected and the King flew into a rage when he found that all of the priests in Romania had been crucified up on the hill. His rage was so intense to the pale and washed-out people of the Romanian town that they put him and the Adventure Friends up in the Inn for free, even though they weren’t technically letting people in at that hour. They also found some Romanian clothes for Gappy. Everyone had a nice sleep, especially David - who was a tired little guy – until Sally and Axe turned into werewolves and freaked out a little bit. They howled and whined and scuffed and tore their clothes.

“Go to sleep!” screamed the King from upstairs. Sally and Axe looked at each other, made a tiny little whine each, then lay down on their beds and went back to sleep. In the morning, they had turned back into people, and Gappy was a reindeer again. The King was mad at Axe and Sally at breakfast. He pretended that there wasn’t any strawberry jam left, only apricot jam. He hid the sachets of strawberry jam under his plate. But then David turned into the cutest little wolf-boy that everyone had to laugh. David got a big steak from the kitchen for being so adorable.

That day was spent hacking through zombies. The road to the first castle was clogged with them. They weren’t very dangerous zombies, they only took one hit to kill, but there sure were a lot of them. It was tiring work. When they got to the castle, it was evening already. As they neared the castle, everyone who could turned into a werewolf or a naked blonde guy.

The King rolled his eyes.

End Of Chapter 45