Saga Of The European King

The King woke up screaming metal. Waves of steel span out of his mouth, nose, neck and chest. The waves broke up into tiny, perfectly spherical pellets almost as soon as they left the King’s body heat. The pellets clittered and clattered to the ground within a fifty meter radius. The King was pissed off.

He scrambled to his feet. This was difficult because he was buried in sand up to his stomach. He kicked with his fearsome feet and dug with his wooden hands. The King had beaten up demons and mysterious Indian gurus, so a bunch of sand was no problem to him. It was just a distraction. Another such distraction was all the fire in the impact crater. His waking scream had pushed the fire out to the rim of the crater, but it was still way too hot. The King didn’t have time for fire. With a little scream (for the King, that is. It was actually a pretty huge scream to you or I), he flung himself at the fire and fly-kicked it right across the beach. He watched it fly in a pretty firey arc into the ocean. So it is to any fire that stands in the way of the King!

The King looked around. He was breathing heavy. The last of the vestigial energies from the seven World Stones was fading fast. He’d need to eat, and eat soon, if he didn’t want to die from the sudden loss of all of his energy. Another distraction! He ran right into the ocean and swam with all his might over to a little island full of seals. The seals on the island have never seen a King of Europe before, so they didn’t know how to react when the King scrambled upon their island and began to devour them. By the time they had decided to be so afraid, they had been eaten. After roaring, the King dove back into the ocean and was back to the edge of his impact crater on the beach within moments. His stomach was full and he would not die when the energy of the World Stones wore off. He could feel his power levels steadily descending to normal. He breathed. He meditated for thirty seconds. Then he opened his eyes, and there was a crash of drums when he did this. He instantly broke into a run. He ran into the jungle that surrounded the beach. He ran towards the plume of smoke that marked the landing site of Oranje’s rocket ship.

Oranje had not been so quick to get up and get rid of all the distractions she had been presented with. She was still trying to put out the flames that engulfed her rocket ship by pouring sand and water it. Oranje wasn’t born hardcore like the King. But maybe that made her more determined. In any case, she hadn’t expected to be flykicked in the chest by the King, who suddenly leapt out of the dark jungle like a graceful lamb. It was pretty cool that, even though she was way behind the King in getting rid of distractions, she was exactly on the same page as him when it came to fighting one-on-one. As she reeled back from the flykick to the chest, she grabbed the King’s ankle and slammed his entire body into the wrecked and smoking rocket ship, destroying it utterly. Their fight resumed. It had been going on for about nine days now.

It had begun when the King had jumped off the roof of the Dracula King’s castle, turned into Super King and flown after Oranje in her rocket ship. The King had chased Oranje across Romania, slamming through mountain tops when she rode high and gibbing sheep and peasants like crazy when she rode low. At first, Oranje was just intent on getting away, but when they left the borders of Romania, she called in some handy bird henchmen she had. Super King was no match for any number of birds, but they slowed him down and so Oranje kept up the lead. She was even able to stop and refuel and stock up on weapons and ship upgrades. When he caught up with her again, she fought him directly, shooting at him with all kinds of crazy guns and sending all kinds of flying mercenaries and robots at him. None of it stopped Super King. He just kept on coming, screaming and laughing and spitting flames all the way. Just as Super King grabbed onto the fin of Oranje’s rocket ship and tore at the superstructure with his teeth, Oranje throttled the rocket ship right out of the atmosphere and into space. She thought that Super King would suffocate out there. That didn’t happen, of course. Super King just kept flying at her. He care when he hit asteroids. He didn’t even care when Oranje fired homing missles at him. He either took them in the face and caught up with her later or guided the homing missiles up towards the rocket ship’s fuel pods, whereupon they detonated and damaged the ship. When the rocket ship dropped back into the Earth’s atmosphere, trailing little explosions the whole way, Super King grabbed onto one of the back fins again and fell to Earth with it. The King had lost his edge by reverting back to his normal form, but he was determined to keep fighting until he got Oranje to tell him why she had left him all those years earlier.

The King jumped out of the wreckage of the rocket ship, drew Cutty from his scabbard, and steel was met with steel as Oranje blocked his thrust with her scythe. The King laughed. Everyone knew that scythes were useless. They had a pretty epic sword fight right then, and the jungle around them got real messed up. But while the fight was going on, Cutty was talking. He was having a conversation with the King and with Oranje too, even though they were all having a fight. This is how the conversation went: Right when the King brought Cutty out of his scabbard, Cutty yelled, “Stop! Please, Your Highness, stop!”
“No way, Cutty!” said the King.
“You’ve been fighting for days and days! You’re not getting anywhere!” said Cutty.
“Yes I am, we’re in a jungle.” said the King.
“Your Highness, you are being difficult.” Said Cutty.
“No I’m not!” said the King.
“Why are you even fighting with Oranje, Your Highness?” said Cutty.
“Duh! Cutty! I’m trying to get the Dracula King’s medallion from her. You know, the thing we need to free the gypsies so we can finish the quest we’re on?” said the King.
“Yes, but why don’t you ask her why she wants it?” said Cutty.
“Earth to Cutty!” said the King, then laughed at his own joke. This is the first time anyone ever used that ‘Earth to …’ joke. “She’s going to use it to mess up my stuff. That’s what she’s been doing the whole time!” said the King.
“Actually, she just happens to crop up in the same places you go to, Your Highness. She might not actually be actively out to get you.” Said Cutty.
“Of course she is!” said the King.
“Oranje, are you going to use the Dracula King’s medallion to mess up the King’s stuff?” said Cutty. The fight was still going on. They were all in this scary temple now. They were dodging traps.
“Not particularly,” said Oranje, “But I’ll stop him if he gets in my way!” she said.
“Okay, good.” Said Cutty. “If I may ask, what is it that you want to use the Dracula King’s medallion for, Oranje?” he said.
“To rescue my daughter!” said Oranje.
“Oh!” said Cutty, shocked.
“What?!” said the King, also shocked. With that, Oranje knocked Cutty out of the King’s hand. Cutty squealed. The King put up his hands.
“What’s all this about a daughter?” said the King.
“Our daughter!” cried Oranje.
“You locked her in a tower, chief.” Said Cutty, from the floor.
“I knew that!” said the King, defensively.

End Of Chapter 53