Saga Of The European King

Now guys, we're all pretty clear by now on how the King is a great man. We've seen some of the stuff he can do. Remember that time he screamed metal? That wasn't just a fluke. He'd done it before. And you know, even though his hands had been crushed by a tree when he was still a baby, he could play the violin and the bongo drum like a Grand Master and he could do coin tricks that would amaze the best bankers, who knew all about coins and what they could do. We've discussed how he was a master of psychology and how powerful he is on the Astral Plane when his body isn't around to slow him down. Well guys, that's nothing. Today we're going to get into one of the King's greatest powers: his chastity. Of course, since it's the King we're talking about, it's only right to call it Super-Chastity.

Super-Chastity is different from plain old chastity because it still lets you make love to ladies and have kids. The King had done a lot of that. But it wasn't the same kind of making love and having kids that the rest of us do. Our kind sucks, quite frankly. When the King makes love to a lady or a girl, he uses every one of his hearts and some complicated hand gestures. Love then comes out of every pore in his body as a kind of golden vapour and he is able to scoop it up in his hands and in his hair. He can then shape it and throw it around and gently rub it over the sensuous parts. The King doesn't even have to touch a lady to make love to her. He's been working on being able to do it at a distance. He's good enough at making love now that he can do it from a hundred paces, but he's always improving. When the King wants to have a kid, he just spends a long time with a lady and works up a huge amount of love. It can take days. Then he and the lady will sculpt all of that raw love into a child, which will be awoken by a kiss from the new mother and a roar from the King.

The most important part of Super-Chastity is that is makes you stronger. A lot of the King's strength and chi comes from the fact that he is Super-Chaste. Not all of it, of course. If he were to lose his freaking mind and stop being Super-Chaste all of a sudden, he wouldn't be some dumb weakling. He would still be awesome, but maybe not King of Europe material. I mean, he could be one of his own Adventure Friends, no problem. But not the King.

The reason you've got to know this is because some bad stuff is coming down the line. There's going to be a Traitor and Europe is going to go through a dark time or two. It's going to be scary. People are going to die. It's going to look like all hope is lost. You guys are going to have to trust in the King to make it all awesome again. It's important that you know about all of his powers, even the kinda secret ones like the Super-Chastity.

And look, I know you all trusted in the King before, but it was like you weren't getting the whole story. You'll be able to trust easier now.

End Of Chapter 74