The Ancient Shark Of Despair's blog

Monday, December 04, 2006

I don't know how the kid keeps in contact with his mother. We don't have a phone and I don't let him use my computer. He said that was childish. I don't care. I've got nothing but personal information on this computer and I'm not going to have some lame-o who doesn't even listen to music analyse this data. He's not a jerk, he just hasn't got a clue when it comes to just being chilled out. I haven't really told you guys about the stuff he does around the house. On average, he's complaining about something to do with my "lifestyle". I think he's just seen too many adverts. I skip channels for adverts. I can usually guess quite well when to skip back. I've noticed he doesn't do that and even when he does, he always turns back too late.

I told you about when he got the pizza from Moe. I was just thinking, you know, maybe let him meet Moe. Moe's a nice guy. Man, you could tell Moe was totally weirded out on Friday. You could tell by the way that he was talking that he was just grinning the whole time.

Overall though, the kid's not a jerk. He's not trying to annoy me, he's just doesn't 'get' it. He's a bit of a lame-o.

So, I haven't seen the landlord in ages. I thought he'd at least come by to visit or something. You'd think after all those years he'd at least want to pop by and say "hi" every now and again. Nope. Not the landlord. I keep telling the kid that there is a vacancy in the position, but he doesn't seem to want to be a landlord. I don't know if I really want him to be the landlord actually. The landlord used to be kinda cool. He made an effort to leave a message every day telling me what he was doing that day. I didn't really appreciate it that much when he was around, but, I can appreciate it from a distance now.

Also, the kid has been acting all chirpy today. I briefly entertained the idea that I was a Samurai and he was a peasant. I could just rain down my wrath at him. I'd be all, "SHUT UP! Peasant! Do not be happy in this hour. Your life is worthless." I think it's because Celene is coming. Man, I hope she doesn't get here too soon. I'm going to have to make it look like we're both really busy cleaning up the house. Like there's no time to be a family. We've got this really important job to do. Come, let's go do this job first. It's important.

2:45PM

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Yeah, no one's in any real danger. My son says that Celene will be here tomorrow. Funny, I had this feeling that he would deliberately not tell me so that Celene could catch me off guard. Well, I guess this just gives me more time to prepare.

I wonder if Celene heard the message. I hope not. It would be weird for her to come so that she can help me clean up just a few weeks after I told her that I didn't need her to help me clean up anymore. There's a good chance that she didn't hear it actually. I mean, she could have been on holiday and not phoned. Though, she does usually tell me whenever she goes anywhere. She leaves a message on my machine. Just like the landlord does.

Well, I guess if she does I'll just have to make it seem like we've been really busy cleaning and we really didn't need the extra hand. That'll be polite.

So I guess I've got to clean up some stuff. Thing is, I've got a lot of important stuff in that back room. That's why I don't just let the kid clean it up. He's pressuring me to go through the stuff and say what needs to be taken away. But it's too dirty to really work in there. I need him to go through it all and find the stuff that is definitely junk. Like the empty cool drink bottles. Not the old ones though. I used to have this collection of all the different bottles on the market, but it got pretty big, so I temporarily moved it into the back room. Man, those bottles are probably really worth something now. Like as a set.

8:30 PM

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User comments

Maxi

*starts teh bid at R500* ;)

Posted by Maxi on Tuesday, December 05, 2006 at 9:57 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

If you fetch them yourself I'll give them to you for R450. Are you interested?

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Wednesday, December 06, 2006 at 3:14 PM

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Celene Celene Celene.

She got here this morning.

I hadn't gotten around to doing some cleaning. I guess she just got here a bit too early. I thought I would have had some time later today to clean up, but I'm really busy and she got here too soon. I wanted me and the kid to be cleaning when she got here. Then she would help us clean or something.

So, she walked in without knocking. I recently stopped locking my doors. I don't want ot become like the landlord used to be. He used to just sit around in his room with the alarm on. I always wanted to tease him for being so scared of life.

So, she walked in. I said hello and walked into the back room. I quickly called the kid in before he could say anything to her.

"Hey, Kid! Come here. I want to talk to you."

"Yes?"

He looked and sounded nervous.

"Um. We have to start cleaning this up soon. We've been putting this off for years. It's needs to be taken care of. Your mother could probably help us out. She's good with that sort of stuff."

"How long has this stuff been here?"

"Um... Since probably about the time your mother left."

"She left because you asked her to."

"Yeah. Help me clean up here. You don't want her to think you've just been living in this mess all this time."

"I just got here! I wanted to clean up but you wouldn't let me! I wanted to help you throw this all away!"

"Oh great! Just throw it all away. Nice one. I told you that you needed to go through it and organise it for me. I can't do this alone."

"What do you want me to do? You wont let me do anything."

"Listen, your mother is here and I don't think we need this to be a negative experience. Try be a bit nicer. Just relax."

He did a smile where he ground his teeth, then looked down at the ground. So I called his mother in.

"Hey, Celene? How's life? We're just busy cleaning up in here. Say, mind giving us a hand."

The urgency of the situation really brought about the assertiveness in me.

She walked in slowly, with her hand stroking the door frame all the while. She looked at her son and then her husband.

"I wanted to say hello to you."

Man, this could have been a lot more awkward.

3:09 PM

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User comments

Maxi

i think the kid was being quite unreasonable and disrespectful. after all you've done for him. not cool.

Posted by Maxi on Wednesday, December 06, 2006 at 11:37 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

Are you saying I should kick him out? I'll do it...

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Thursday, December 07, 2006 at 4:04 PM

Kimon

Ever thought of some familly counsilling? *mutters under his breath* ...issues...

Posted by Kimon on Thursday, December 07, 2006 at 8:43 AM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

They're Japanese, that's how they do family.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Thursday, December 07, 2006 at 4:04 PM

Thursday, December 07, 2006

So. Life with a family. It started out all right. I got them to help out a bit. We worked well as a team for about an hour. I directed by pointing out what could or couldn't be moved. I decided to give up on my bottle collection. I just thought that this should be a fresh start. They said they were glad because they didn't want to bother cleaning up if half of the stuff was going to be kept anyway.

It's a sensitive issue. There are a lot of emotions involved. This is the last twenty-twenty five years of my life being deleted here. It's not like I want a legacy, it's just that I'm probably not going to be around here much longer and I want people to remember me for the right reasons.

I think that one of the things I want them to remember me for is my blog. I like to think that I really do expose the raw nature of humanity here. I'm good with humans. I can see the truth in people because I'm not one of them. I'm a shark from outer space. And I'm going to save the world with the unique power that I actually know what's going on. It's pretty sinister.

I'm not doing this to upset you.

They stopped cleaning up after a bit and Celene went to go make some tea. I followed her into the kitchen. I was sorta high off this productive family vibe that was happening. I thought this would be a good time to talk to her.

"Taking a break, hey?"

She stopped making the tea and looked at me. Her eyes seemed somewhat hesitant.

"You better not slack off." I was joking. You could tell that I was because my voice was quite playful. "Or I'll have to fire you again."

She quickly looked away and continued making the tea. Her hands were shaking and she spilt the sugar.

"Ah, man! Now I have to clean this up!"

This was me still joking. You could tell because my voice was still playful.

The kid walked in at this point. He could probably hear me joking in the other room.

"I'm glad that we're finally sorting this mess out. I only got here the other day. I don't know how you lived like this for so long, but I'm glad that we're finally getting this done."

5:09PM

Friday, December 08, 2006

Yeah. Celene left.

But then she came back. She was probably gone for an hour.

Maxi from MySpace came round yesterday just after I wrote the blog. Celene was feeling a bit down, so she went and sat in the back room while Maxi came up to fetch the bottle collection.

She didn't come up though.It's because the kid was seriously weirding out. We were watching TV the other night and this one show had these cops or something that busted a paedophile for luring a girl to her house over the internet or something. You can probably see how this is weird. I don't know if I've told you this, but I'm a shark. If I were trying to luring a young ladies back to my pad it would only be to eat them. No offence, Maxi.

So. I was going to hide in the cupboard while the kid went downstairs and fetched her. I wanted to see what she looked like. I've only seen her pictures on MySpace. Things is, I need to look them in the eye. That's why I rigged up my cupboard so that I could look through a hole. The hole is also in the middle of sign that says, "Welcome, Maxi!"

That way I'd definitely get to look her in the eye, because she'd look at the sign, because it had her name on.

The kid said that I couldn't get her to come up. So I wanted to go down, but all the towels were wet and dirty because no one had cleaned them recently. They're too busy with the back room.

I didn't get to see her. She paid R450 for the bottles. I don't know if they were really worth that much. A lot of them were only from like two years ago.

I can't throw glass away. I usually try get someone else to throw it away for me. It's just that it's sharp and it's going to cut someone. I'm sure there is some way that everyone else does it, but I've never been told. I only do it if I'm really angry.

Oh yeah. About Celene leaving. Turns out she climbed out of the window when she went to go sit in the back. In the excitement we all forgot that she was gone. She was really upset when she came back. She had probably already calmed down by that point.

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User comments

niel

Hello ancient shark of despair.

what are you gonna do with the money?

Posted by niel on Friday, December 08, 2006 at 11:00 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

It'll probably go into my luxury fund. Maybe I'll go on an adventure. If I did go on an adventure, it would definitely be cool.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Saturday, December 09, 2006 at 2:55 PM

Maxi

^_^

Posted by Maxi on Saturday, December 09, 2006 at 2:25 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

I don't think this one even says anything.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Saturday, December 09, 2006 at 2:56 PM