The Ancient Shark Of Despair's blog

Monday, December 18, 2006

Yeah. I've got nothing to report really.

The house actually feels a lot cleaner since they left. There's so much space now. The back room. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it. It's very neat looking. All the bottles are lined up. It all used to just sit there in these useless piles, but now they're ordered and awaiting my orders. [metaphor]

I found out that the bottle the kid threw at me was the oldest one that I had. He had been looking for it after I described what it looked like and how valuable it probably was. He said it wasn't valuable. I guess he won that one.

I've been brainstorming for the sitcom. I want the one episode to have the father throw the rest of the family out, because he's having a flashback from the moon. It's really stormy outside. And they have to hide in the shed in the garden, because he doesn't know that they are on the property.

It'll be so surreal, because it won't be at all sinister. They will all be cracking wise cracks and in the end they will do a group hug. Surreal is like when you watch TV with the sound off and listen to Burzum.

I do this.

1:13 PM

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User comments

Creepy


be careful here ... the kid will demand credit - the young ones go hollywood fast if you let them. he'll need money to pay his new hollywood lawyers, after the arrests start stacking up. you'll recieve long, expensive collect transatlantic phone calls. you won't pick up the phone, but you'll know who it is, and the bills will come anyway. it happened to a cousin of mine, and he's a fugitive now.

marcus, please call home. all is amortized.

Posted by Creepy on Monday, December 18, 2006 at 6:27 PM

love the box of angelwolf


i was with the kid last night partying at the viper room in west hollywood
he didn't look well
and he made a number of trips to the bathroom
he seemed generaly disoriented
before getting in an argument with soneone and stumbling to his car
i am worried
i don't even think it was his car

Posted by love the box of angelwolf on Monday, December 18, 2006 at 9:29 PM

Maxi


damn that child!! that was my last shot at the bottle :c

Posted by Maxi on Monday, December 18, 2006 at 11:36 PM

Patience


surreal...like on rosanne and those amusing episodes about
teenage pregnancy

Posted by Patience on Tuesday, December 19, 2006 at 4:53 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair


I think I saw that one. That was amusing.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Tuesday, December 19, 2006 at 4:56 PM

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Man, welcome back to my world. That's me included. I am welcome back to my world. Things are back to how they were, but I got a clean house out of the deal. Score. I'm glad that I'm alone again. I can really get back to that sitcom. That thing is going to go big. It can't not.

That kid from next door was drinking coffee again. Just sitting there, drinking coffee. For hours. It's been so long since I looked out for him.

I realised that I hadn't been keeping up with my life. With my family around I haven't had time to do all the stuff I used to. So, I poured myself a cup of juice and went and sat down at the window.

I watched him for about fifteen minutes before he took out a packet of cigarettes. Yeah, I knew he was going to do that. That's why I poured myself that cup of juice. I walked over to my cupboard, feeling quite proud, opened up the pizza box and got out my 'fags'. Hadn't seen these babies for some time.

I pretty much smoked the whole cigarette this time. I usually only have about half. I smiled most of the time. I kinda knew at that point that things were going to be alright. When he left, I even opened up my curtain a little bit. The kid would kill me if he saw me do that. He'd been trying to get me to do it for so long. I don't think he really gets the whole Shark thing.

So, Celene and the kid left. So? I've been doing this alone for ages. They were just a quick phase I went through. I guess you could say the same about our marriage.

I'm even feeling a bit upbeat today. You know what? I'm sure that Moe hasn't quit. I was just being paranoid.

Today I called the kid who does my groceries. He answered the phone, but he didn't say anything after that. He just listened. I told him how things had been going. I told him that we'd cleaned up. I said that he could come back now. You know, I got all that stuff out of the way. He could come by tomorrow to get me some groceries. He didn't answer. He just listened. When I was finished speaking I said goodbye and he put down the phone.

4:56 PM

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User comments

Creepy


you may have offended the grocery kid. you could well be in mortal peril. i will airdrop cans of soup.
duck.

Posted by Creepy on Tuesday, December 19, 2006 at 5:24 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair


Hey, actually if you could send me cans of food, do. That would be pretty awesome. I don't eat seafood though. It's gross. Unless it's tuna. I love tuna
Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Tuesday, December 19, 2006 at 5:35 PM

love the box of angelwolf


do you eat creamed corn?
the box i ate last night was full of creamed corn cans
i don't like corn
you could have them though
if you get hungry
just trying to help shark
Posted by love the box of angelwolf on Tuesday, December 19, 2006 at 6:24 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair


Hey, as long as it isn't fish. Or any seafood really. Except tuna.
Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Wednesday, December 20, 2006 at 1:21 PM

chu tu


are the two kids friends?
Posted by chu tu on Wednesday, December 20, 2006 at 4:22 AM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair


Well, my son and the kid who does my the groceries have met. My son probably thinks that the grocery kid is a jerk though. He is.

The kid next door I'd like to meet. I think he's on my level. You know, I think he knows what's going on. That's why he just sits in his garden drinking coffee. That's what I would do.
Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Wednesday, December 20, 2006 at 1:19 PM

chu tu


like American Beauty?
is the kid next door selling drugs?
Posted by chu tu on Wednesday, December 20, 2006 at 8:12 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair


I don't think I would know anyone who sells drugs.
Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Thursday, December 21, 2006 at 12:39 PM

Maxi


*deliiiiight*
YAY to neighbour watching! i think i'm going to get you a pair of binoculars for Channukah! :D
Posted by Maxi on Wednesday, December 20, 2006 at 1:50 PM

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Yeah, I don't think he's going to come. What sucks is that I've spent most of the day waiting around for him. I postponed all sorts of stuff. I was going to work on the sitcom, but I was waiting until after he came by.

Another problem is that I am actually running out of food at this point. What a bad time for the kid (my kid, not the grocery kid) to go on a bender. I'm pretty sure he'll come back though. I mean, come on, what else has this guy got? He just broke up with his wife. And his job sucks so much.

I think he wanted to be an artist when he grew up. I didn't really like the idea because that's my thing. Art. I said I wouldn't pay for his education if he chose to do art and he quickly stopped asking me. I don't think he studied after high school anyway.

I don't know what he does now. I just know that it involves sitting in an office for about 14 hours a day. Man, That's what Celene's dad used to do. Except he was really poor. I guess that's what happens when you're brought up by tradition.
When he found out that wasn't going to stick around after I got Celene pregnant he offered his life savings as a dowry. He said he would rather be poor than live the shame of having a pregnant daughter with no suitor. He was being a bit romantic about it though. Truth is, he was counting on his daughter marrying rich, but after having a kid she would be damaged goods. I also think he thought that I was rich.

That's why I don't really feel bad about it. Also, I got this apartment with the money. Well, it's an apartment now. It used to be a house with a garden. I downgraded it into a bunch of apartments so that I could get some more spare cash. That's mostly gone now. I'm currently subsiding on cheques from Shane (long story) and an allowance from my son.

Good luck, everyone.

4:18 PM

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User comments

Creepy


dear Ancient Shark of Despair,

dude, you're a shark. Remember? A fuggin shark. Go swimming. Eat somebody, or at least tear off a leg or two. You'll feel better, and it will help with the grocery bills.

The community is looking out for you.
Posted by Creepy on Wednesday, December 20, 2006 at 5:14 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair


I don't know man, I could get in trouble. People would really complain if I did something like that.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Wednesday, December 20, 2006 at 11:03 PM

chu tu


dear shark,
why aren't you doing any art?
celene has a nice spelling.
do some art and show us.
the community wants to see.
love,
community member chu

Posted by chu tu on Wednesday, December 20, 2006 at 8:06 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair


There is some art of mine over in my Pics section, and some guys made t-shirts about me which you can buy.
I asked the Myspace friends to send in some Fan Art, but no one's sent anything in yet. Fan Art would be awesome.
Also, I just remembered, I've got the Memories Of Sharkania group over at www.scribbla.com. There are some good pictures there.
Celene is a nice spelling. It is Japanese, most likely.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Wednesday, December 20, 2006 at 11:08 PM

love the box of angelwolf


destitute shark,

i turned myself into a wolf
so you could eat me and save money
i am not a community wolf
think of me as your personal chum

happy feeding

Posted by love the box of angelwolf on Wednesday, December 20, 2006 at 10:43 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair


I don't want to eat you, love the box of angelwolf! You are my friend on Myspace!
But thank you anyway.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Wednesday, December 20, 2006 at 11:09 PM

chu tu


he tastes salty like regret
with a bass note of pure refined sugar
and a dollop of truth stretching over the top

Posted by chu tu on Thursday, December 21, 2006 at 8:59 AM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair


(That must be why he is so angry)
Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Thursday, December 21, 2006 at 1:03 PM

Thursday, December 21, 2006

The kid will probably be here for christmas. I really feel for him. If he doesn't come round for christmas he'll be so lonely. I can just imagine him sitting by himself watching christmas TV. Man, christmas TV sucks.

The problem with the kid is that he doesn't have a good sense of community. Me or you understand that christmas is a time to spend with your loved ones, but the kid is cold in that regard. He pretends that he doesn't care, but he's really alone behind all of that television. I wonder what he's doing now.

The worst thing is that he's probably homeless now. I think he got fired. That's why he could stay here for so long. This means that he'll be at that place that Moe always talks about. That place where the homeless people stand outside the gate, begging to be let in. But they're being flat out rejected by that guy in the lawn chair because they were four minutes late.

Moe will drive by and see him, and it will be the loneliest thing he's seen. He won't even recognise the kid, even though they met once. He'll be all unshaven and his suit will be messed up. The loneliness would have changed him.

When the kid comes back, I'll invite the landlord around we'll all have christmas dinner in the main room. I called the landlord today on my phone, but he didn't pick up. I only let it ring three times though. I didn't want him to think I was desperate or anything.

Moe can come too. He could bring the christmas pizza. I bet they have a special recipe that isn't on the menu that only the employees know. He'll be nervous at first, sitting down to dinner with all these old guys, and he'll be grinning. I'll tell him it's all okay, and that christmas time is for being with your friends and even making new ones. And then he'll sit down and I'll cut the pizza.

It will be difficult, with my fins, but I've been practicing.

8:02 PM

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User comments

love the box of angelwolf


i think you hate me
i am off to drown myself in liquor

your friend, wolfbox

Posted by love the box of angelwolf on Thursday, December 21, 2006 at 9:32 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair


No offense, man.

I guess you can come too. If you really want. It's just that Moe and the kid and the landlord don't know you as well as I do.

You know, next time maybe. Also, you live in like Canada/America! Do you how much that would cost you to fly here?

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Thursday, December 21, 2006 at 9:40 PM

love the box of angelwolf


dear shark,

i am starting to think that you don't know me. maybe no one knows me anymore. i'm sure i told you about my love of pizza and yet, i received no invitation to your christmas party. christmas is a hard time for a wolf. nobody wants me at their parties because of my penchant for flesh eating. i have to play tic tac toe by myself on my halo. it is depressing. plus your last comment about how long it would take to fly there made me sad. i have wings. they flutter very fast. i could have been there by saturday morning at the latest. i am crying and my fur is getting all wet. i should go

hopefully still your friend,
wolfbox

Posted by love the box of angelwolf on Thursday, December 21, 2006 at 11:06 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair


Okay, okay. You can fly over here if you want. You're invited to christmas dinner, I'll ask Moe to get another pizza.
You promise you will come?
Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Thursday, December 21, 2006 at 11:51 PM

love the box of angelwolf


YAY

i am going to start flying now
i've been drinking heavily all day though
so i might get lost
but i will try shark

Posted by love the box of angelwolf on Friday, December 22, 2006 at 1:53 AM

Creepy


Dear Ancient Shark of Despair,

don't buy into the holiday guilt. The homeless have a pretty good time over christmas. People give them handfuls of change outside the liquor stores, and the garbage cans and dumpsters are full of tasty treats. The quick-witted ones will benefit from all the unwanted sweaters and slippers. Me and my friends will be looking for your pizza crusts so be nice and leave the crispy bits of cheese attached.

bonne noel,

the community

Posted by Creepy on Thursday, December 21, 2006 at 9:41 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair


I don't even need to think about what it's like to be homeless. I own property. I think ahead.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Thursday, December 21, 2006 at 11:59 PM

Creepy


I was once as you are now. Except for the fins, of course. Something to ponder.

Posted by Creepy on Friday, December 22, 2006 at 4:17 PM

spinelli venter


i hope you have it all good, dear.
i hope everyone's happy and that someone tells a funny joke.
merry christmas.

Posted by spinelli venter on Thursday, December 21, 2006 at 11:08 PM

chu tu


now i am so depressed about the pizza and the kid and the fins
and the cutting and the wolf wings getting broken and lost.
why did it have to be like this?
why couldn't we all be dining on some willing chum?
some lottery chosen martyr?
that wolf is just trying to get to your table to
devour the kid's sweet flesh.
all wolves hate pizza and this one in particular.
why are you so naive shark?
please devise a lottery system for dinner.

Posted by chu tu on Friday, December 22, 2006 at 7:10 AM

o.OmaxiO.o


ooh!! helpful tip: disney channel is having 5 movies a day for christmas =D
Posted by o.OmaxiO.o on Friday, December 22, 2006 at 1:14 PM

Friday, December 22, 2006

Hmmm. No word from the kid yet. Christmas is on Monday.

Moe came round. I was so relieved that he hadn't quit.

"Hey Moe. Is that pizza for me?"

"What do you mean?"
"Well, is that pizza for me or is it for someone else?"

"I don't get it."

He totally messed this up. I needed to get the conversation back on the right track. Basically, I needed to ask him to bring pizza for Christmas.

"My family left me. Well, actually I told My wife to leave, but my son left. I think he will be back for christmas though."

"What?" He paused for a second and then changed the tone of his voice to a more sympathetic one. "You have a wife? And a kid?" He paused again and his tone changed to an even more sympathetic one. "Man, thats... that's not what I expected."

"Yeah, right before christmas. He'll probably be back soon. Do you want to come for christmas?"

I was smiling the smile I do when I I'm watching the kid next door drink coffee. Like I'm opening up to the world. I feel a bit vulnerable. I stopped the smile. Moe couldn't see it, but it just felt weird.

"Is that why you always order so many pizzas?"

I don't think that I order too much pizza. I've got the appetite of a shark, because I am one. I'd probably die if I didn't eat as much as I do now. Moe doesn't know that I'm a shark yet. Well, he might know, but he he hasn't acknowledged it.

"Okay, whatever, man. I made you a CD of my music for christmas. It's like a demo tape."

I don't think I need to fill you in on how I felt at this point. This was the most important person in my life telling me that I didn't need to worry anymore. He was there for me.

I just pictured him with his long blonde hair sitting next to me on my bed looking at my PC. We're both smiling. I'm showing him all the sites that I've bookmarked. He says that he's going to have to write the addresses down to look up later when he gets home. He's grateful that I bookmarked these pages. So am I.

"I've got these clips off the internet. Off a comedy website. They were my favourite ones on the site. You should come by sometime and check them out."

"What?"
I realised that he might not know what the internet is. Celene didn't know what my computer was. I wonder how things are going for her.

"You should come on Monday. My son is going to be here. So is my landlord. I don't know if anyone else is coming."

"Monday is christmas."

It didn't seem like I was supposed to say anything after that. His statement was so final.

"Yeah. It is, isn't it?"

10:19 PM

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User comments

chu tu


first of all:
the reason sit coms do that with the father
is because he is never okay, not there,
not then, not ever. that's why the joke
is so funny and keeps being redone ever
night.

second:
how did you become so attached to moe?
what do you hope to do with him?
eat him?

third:
i hope your wife is okay and has
some property to live in.

fourth:
i am dreading christmas.
i think i will be silent the entire day;
that will be my way of celebrating.

fifth:
my father is probably just as sad
as i am and that's saying a lot.

sixth:
send the kid some esp bait if
you really want him there monday.

Posted by chu tu on Saturday, December 23, 2006 at 12:37 AM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair


The thing about Moe is that he is probably the only person who will ever 'get' me. You can tell by the way he deals with people like my son. I wouldn't eat Moe. I don't think it would be possible.

I don't know about my wife. The one time I found she had been living downstairs for over twenty years. I only found out because the landlord tried to introduce us.

I'm not sure about christmas either. I haven't heard from him yet, but I'm pretty sure he will just rock up on christmas. Also, I kinda forgot to invite Moe. I was so excited about his mixtape. I'm sure he would've come, but I just forgot to invite him.

I hope you aren't too sad. If you are you will probably work harder for this community thing. Either that or you will just get the happy people to do the work for you. I think we should have that there have to be as many happy people as sad people in our community in case the sad ones mess it up.

I'm not sure how to send him esp bait. If you are talking about like psychic stuff sharks are magnetic so I probably have some sort of GPS thing. I tried to focus in on it but I was really tired. I think I will try again when I'm not so tired.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Saturday, December 23, 2006 at 5:51 PM