The Ancient Shark Of Despair's blog

Monday, November 06, 2006

I have been formally asked by Kimon to make the pain go away.

ha

I've also been spending a lot of time on the chat site. I don't offer any opinions - it's too risky. I do enjoy the opinions of the other people. But, I find it weird how 'evolved' chat is.

What I really don't like is being made to feel uncomfortable by someone else saying things about me that I don't want to think about. Like saying things about how my emotions work or how I hurt someone else.

You know that fear of anything you might have said before which doesn't quite fit with your idea of yourself (one guy on chat said that was your Ego) will be seen by another later. I'm quite scared of this. Which is why I don't talk much to people.

Another fear related to the second one is the fear of something I say or do being recorded. And then that thing being reviewed later by someone else. I really don't like that. I like to draw portraits because that way you're in full control. It's a lot safer.

This guy on the internet 'dissed' this other guy by saying, "You're upset becasuse I can smoke weed in any room in my house, while you have to smoke in your bathroom, blowing into a ventilator all with your mom outside the door asking you if everything is all right."

I know this because someone else copied and pasted it from the chat site when I wasn't there. Then when I was there they pasted it with about eight other quotes of the same guy. Really quickly, one after the other. My version isn't word for word because I didn't copy it. I just remembered it, which I guess is the same thing. I didn't want to be caught doing something exactly like the thing someone else was doing that I was trying to show the folly of. I guess it would have driven the point home a bit though.

Anyway, please keep this community going. We really need to not be trying to point out each others follies. It's time to grow together.

Okay. This is how I propose to make pain go away.

5:09 PM

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User comments

Kimon


I apreceate you efforts to make the pain go away, your proposal seems very promising! you may be one sad shark but you're making a difference in this world, well.. in my world anyway...
Many, many thanks
Posted by Kimon on Monday, November 06, 2006 at 7:26 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair


Oh man. This is a mean mean world. Please guys, don't ever quote me to other people. It's not cool. Unless its a nice quote that shows stuff about me that I like. But its still embarrassing then. Just do it and don't tell me you did it. And also don't tell them that I asked you to do it. It's not cheating anyway, because technically, if I don't know you did it, then I couldn't have asked you to.
Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Monday, November 06, 2006 at 9:13 PM

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

I don't like the fact that someone is going to get cut if I throw my glass away. I used to just leave empty bottles around for other people to get rid of. I can't do this anymore as I live alone. I did it at first out of habit but it quickly got of of hand. I just try get the grocery kid not to buy me stuff involving glass, but sometimes he is a jerk and forgets. You'd be surprised how many different ways he can be a jerk. But there is definitely a lot of glass lying around. He won't he do recycling for me, says he has a bad back. I don't know about that really.

In other news: answering machines are probably as hard to operate as vcrs. I don't have a VCR though, but I know this the same way as everyone else does. I've been trying to read recently. Didn't work. Just couldn't really commit. I don't think I really have the time anymore.

The reason I wanted to read is that I read in some random comic where the guy refers to Metamorphosis as bring written by Nietzsche. He then says the plot. It's actually a pretty nice plot, but I only read the first like, ten pages. I thought it was a kinda lame idea. But when I found out the whole plot and I was a bit upset that I didn't get the chance to read it before. That's why I tried to read other stuff.
Okay.

8:38 PM

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

I'm actually pretty sorry about the guy on chat who was looking for Leonard Cohen. I changed my nick on the chat site. And I found him. I bet he thinks I'm just really friendly, which is what I want him to think. I just want him to feel a bit more like the internet is acutally quite nice and that people are there for him, even if it's just symbolically.

I read up about Leonard Cohen quickly and got hold of a few of the names of his albums. Turns out, the guy was quite surprised that I liked Leonard Cohen too. I'm pretty sure he is a parent. He's 53. That must be kind of scary. I guess that's why you have children. You don't die if you have children. At least that's what it feels like.

Leonard Cohen sounds kind of boring. Prince Charles likes him. I think that's kinda lame. No offense. I just don't think he would get Burzum. Wouldn't have any frame of reference.

Anyway, I found this letter outside. Yes, yes, I went outside. I do that every now and again. I usually wrap myself up in a blanket and go at like 4 in the morning.

Well, this is the letter:

I worked out who said what based on the handwriting. At one point the one girl changed her pen, but you can still work out who it is, because they have both got quite different handwriting.

Salih: Hello I also wnt letta's

Nix: OK. If u wnt letta's zinzan will wnt letta's 2.

Salih: y did he ask u 2 rite him letta's

Nix: yesterday he did

Salih: Did u rite him a letta

Nix: No. I 4got abt him! (oooops!)

Salih: Ha ha, anyway waz up [changes into pen] Did he rite 2 u nw

Nix: Ya I wrote 2 him first

Salih: wot did u rite

Nix: Hello.

Salih: k. u jst tld me dat he will also wnt letta's n u go rite 2 him 1st

Nix: 'Jus wntd 2 ask him sumthin...

Salih: O so waz up

Nix: EMS U?

Salih: Hav 2 in at break k**

Nix: Shame!

Salih: I wasn't even talkin these stupid n****s were throwing us wit
erasers n we tld dem 2 stop it nw we get in trouble!!

Nix: Shame. I was talkin!

Salih: n u didn't get into trouble Stupid lauren!!

Nix: I got in trouble in music

Salih: Im ashamed

Nix: 4 wot... Me?

Salih: No. were u talking in music

Nix: No

Salih: Teachers always cum with there k**

Nix: U cn say that again!

Salih: Do u lyk school?

Nix: No much.... do u?

Salih: Not really O so wotz nu?

Nix: Ntn .... N U?

Salih: Ntn

4rm Salih

This bit is the end. Well, the reason I think this is important is that I think they're both quite young. The thing is, neither of them really have anything to say, but they're still talking. I really appreciate that. They're comforting each other. Helping each other ignore that bottomless loneliness that lurks under everything we do. They both know it too. I think this age group is really precious. They still care at this age. Okay, granted that bitch next door who yelled at me that one time when I was playing Burzum. Whatever. She was just trying harder to get her friends' support. Probably has alcoholic parents or something sad. I'm okay with that. I forgive her.

Yeah. You just got to try harder to love people, People.
Okay.

1:27 PM

Friday, November 10, 2006

I'm quite excited. Tonight is pizza night. I don't really have as much to tip him tonight as I did last time, because last time really put me out of the loop. I've been searching around the flat for coins all day. I've actually got about a hundred bucks in just small change. This should even it out. I don't want him to not want to come back because he doesn't think I'm worth it.

I'm going to draw him a picture of what I think he looks like, based on his voice. I'm going to make him look very attractive to females so that he feels nice about it. I wonder if he is attractive.

That boy next door was back last night. Just slowly sipping the coffee; soaking up the world. He's quite attractive, that's probably why he gets the rebel girls. They don't hang out with ugly ones.

So in other news.... I left this for last because it’s actually the most exciting. The kid broke up with his wife and says he's going to come spend some time with me after he sorted some legal issues out. I can't wait. We always have such a good time. He doesn't talk much though. He's quite attractive too, if I may say so. I think the girls go wild for him.

So. I'm in a much better mood than I have been in lately. I wonder how I'll be with 'Moe' tonight. I wonder what I will say.

One last thing. This one is for Spinelli Venter: The guy on chat says that Famous Blue Raincoat is definitely one of his favourites and said that I had good taste. He asked me how good I thought "Songs Of Leonard Cohen' was. I didn't really know what to say. I could be a trick, because that does sound like a 'best of'. I don't think the idea of 'best of's sounds very pure. I changed the topic quite quickly and asked if he liked Burzum. He said he doesn't know what Burzum is. I should have just said that. "I'm sorry, I don't know what Songs Of Leonard Cohen is." It would have sounded a lot more professional than blatantly changing the topic. I hope I don't lose him.

Goodbye everyone.

11:03 AM

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Current mood: old

Yesterday was weird. 'Moe' delivered, but he was in a weird mood. He hardly even spoke. I didn't know what to say. I told him that I didn't. He acted like he didn't care. Well, he didn't say anything. He sounded sad actually.

I asked him if he had just driven past the homeless shelter. I think this was a bad move. He still kept quiet. It was getting awkward.

"You know I'm from outer space?"

"What is this about?" (he sounded angry here.)

"I gave you most of my money last week. My next cheque hasn't come yet. I won't give you coins next time. I promise."

"Not that. The drawing. What is this about?" (sounding impatient.)

"That's you."

"I know it’s me. He's carrying pizza boxes. Why did you do this?" (sounding a bit more patient.)

"I'm sorry. I thought it was nice."

"Listen. I don't know what you want from me. Who are you?"

"I'm The Ancient Shark of Despair. I can't leave my house because people would complain."

"What?" (he sounded reasonably patient here.)

"People are scared of what they don't know." (I heard this on TV.)

"What do you want from me?"

"I just wanted... Well... Someone to talk to."

"I've got a job to do, man. I can't spend all my time waiting outside your door."

"But I pay you well."

"It's weird, man. I dont know why you do this."

"You're on the level. You 'see' people. You 'get' them."

He just kept quiet from here on. He said, "Ok" and left after about a minute. The pizza was okay. I kept thinking about the kid though. It's been on my mind a lot. I hope he doesn't want to talk about his ex. That would kill me. Lives being torn apart. Years of trust being thrown back in your face. Ow. I couldn't deal with that. I think I'm going to ask him when he gets here to not talk about his ex. Also I'm going to ask him to clean out my house. It's getting filthy.

10:53