The Ancient Shark Of Despair's blog

Friday, December 29, 2006

In the heart of battle, a shark can attack with such pinpoint accuracy that death arrives long before the first pang of pain. Newcomers often believe this to be an act of mercy as it would take less effort to not afford the prey the luxury of a painless demise.

We do it to deprive them of a final reflection of their existence. Our aims are not of kindness. We wish to enforce our taking as a ruthless absolute. Only through taking all that can be taken in the battle can the kill be justified as warranted. We do not waste.

I have prepared myself for the child's arrival. I have practiced a girl voice and have scripted four different possible conversations. I have also placed the perfume bottle opened at the foot of my door.

Now I wait.

4:14 PM

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User comments

chu tu


you are best when aggressive and plotting

Posted by chu tu on Friday, December 29, 2006 at 9:54 PM

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Hello. The letter has gone. It's not on the lawn any more. I'm scared that people will complain. I'm scared that his mom might find out. What if that happened?
Mothers have immaculate senses. If she finds out that i'm sourcing him as my next meal, she'll flip. She'll completely call the cops on me. If the cops investigate me, they'll find the blog and they'll know that I was planning to eat him. It's evidence.

Someone was knocking on the door today. They didn't stop for about twenty minutes. It was angry knocking. I didn't really mind though. I knew that they couldn't get in. It was locked.

During the rest of the day, I sorted through all of my old clothes. I think I'm going to throw a lot of them out. I think I need a new wardrobe. My friend on chat, the one who likes Leonard Cohen, he says I need to shake up the past and settle into a new groove. I think new clothes could do this.

10:16 PM

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

I spent most of the day on the floor crunched up in a ball trying to fight the hunger that is crippling me. And because it takes so much effort for me to get up off the floor again, I mostly just stayed there.

I feel quite weak. I had one of those cans of beans, but it didn't really do enough. Also, I hate beans. I understand you guys probably don't believe me about my plans to eat the kid next door. You don't have to believe me. I've thought it through quite well.

This morning I threw the letter into next door's garden as bait for that kid. It is a convincing letter, it plays on my knowledge of people. I've been watching out of the window for some action, but it has just been lying there the whole time. I think he might know it's there and is just biding his time. He's probably waiting to catch me looking to see if he's got it yet. He won't. You can't see me throught the slit in the curtains. I've done tests.

I've been worried sick the whole day. And I'm really hungry. I haven't eaten in ages and there is no one around to help me out. Everyone has abandoned me. I don't have any cash to order pizza. I gave it all to Moe last time. I guess I was trying to get him to come round for christmas.
I sent an e-mail to Shane asking if he was sending a cheque any time soon. He said that the not enough of the comics had been sold recently. I sent him an e-mail back as a joke. I said that I was really hungry and would appreciate an advance. He didn't reply though.
I just checked, and the coffee-drinking kid still hasn't gone out to pick up the letter. Maybe he isn't in. A lot of people go away and spend time with their families around this time of year.

4:54 PM

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Man. I am glad christmas is over. At about eleven last night I was thinking about whether or not to end the blog. I was also pretty hungry.

You have to understand the shark. We're hunters. And we're born to be alone. If we meet some other guy, it's like, I'm going to kill you. Sometimes we have to go without food for weeks. Do we worry? No. We just keep moving, keep going. We're built for stuff like this.
The instincts are really kicking in. No family, no friends - just me and the ocean. The ocean is full of food. I've never been in the ocean, but this ocean is a metaphor. I'm going to eat the kid next door. He's in the ocean.
I can't risk going out there during the day and this happens to be the only time that he comes out. I'm going to have to lure him up to my pad. I'll write him a letter to get him to come out.

Scented letters will be thrown into his garden by me. I have a bottle of unisex perfume that has been kept hidden for eight years. I didn't throw it away because I sensed that this day would come. Sharks have immaculate senses. A lot of the time, when we're really hungry, we can just sit back and smell, because our smell is so good that it's almost like eating. I can smell all the pizza I ate. It's just as good eating it this time as I did last time. In fact, it's a little better.

6:40 PM

Creepy


Dear Ancient Shark

don't end the blog. the community needs you. enjoy the kid.

Posted by Creepy on Tuesday, December 26, 2006 at 8:46 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair


Thank you for this.
I am needed.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Wednesday, December 27, 2006 at 12:14 PM

o.OmaxiO.o


*hug*

Posted by o.OmaxiO.o on Wednesday, December 27, 2006 at 2:12 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair


Thank you the most of all.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Wednesday, December 27, 2006 at 4:17 PM

chu tu


i would be sad if you ended the blog

i hope you aren't considering that still

Posted by chu tu on Friday, December 29, 2006 at 9:59 PM

Monday, December 25, 2006

I've been on that chat site all day while I've been wating for christmas to happen. On the chat site, I asked if anyone could recommend some music for me. I said I liked Burzum and Leonard Cohen. One guy gave me a whole bunch of names. I looked them up on the internet, but it turns out he was just making them up.

I retaliated in a really clever way. I've seen them get angry before on chat. They are always quarreling. I figured that they are all used to people just swearing at them and being confrontational and all that usual internet stuff. I thought I could use this to my advantage.

I pretended to get all angry at the one guy. I wanted him to get angry back and then totally just not care. He didn't really get angry though. He just chilled. He only responded like two minutes after each thing I said.

I carried on and he said a few things back. I think I got him a bit angry, but he replied in these really clever ways that showed how irrelevant what I was saying was. It was quite hard to see through what he was saying and mock him. The internet does that though. I told him that if I ever saw him in public I'd beat him to death and eat him. He said this sounded sexual.

I realised at about this point that this was their homeground. I told them that I used to be an OP in the one chat room. He didn't respond.

I left and went to a few other rooms. I found the same guys at a few different rooms and tried to get them started there. They just ignored me.

I was kinda hoping that they would try mock me because of what happened in the last room and maybe even quote me from a text file, in which that they had saved all the embarrassing things I said. If they did this some people in the room would have seen how they were. Nothing would be said, but some of the more interesting people and in the room and I would know.

2:15 PM