The Ancient Shark Of Despair's blog

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Yeah, David did indeed come round. It was a bit weird. I told him about the party and how I need Moe's CD to play. He said that he doesn't know where it is right now.

"Well, what other music were you going to play?", he asked, "Can't you just play that?"

"I don't have any other music, David!" I said firmly, "You know this."

"What about that music that you're always playing when you watch me drink coffee?"

I hadn't thought about it. I don't know if anyone else would 'get' it. Most people don't really have the emotional resources. Moe could get it if he wanted too. He's just a bit distracted at this point.

"Monopoly has some hip-hop. He says that it is underground.." I thought back a bit more. "He says that it will make you think."

David looked at me and asked, "Are you sure? Can you trust him?"

We're going to have to.

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User comments

chu tu

hip hop taxes me emotionally

i wish you had predatory impulses toward me

Posted by chu tu on Thursday, February 01, 2007 at 9:08 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

People don't taste good. We usually only have predatory impulses towards you because we think you are seals. At least that's what they tell me. I'd eat you if I had to. In a heartbeat.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Thursday, February 01, 2007 at 10:26 PM

Arbot

Sharky, you need more wierd in your life

Posted by Arbot on Thursday, February 01, 2007 at 11:23 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

I think that Moe is a little weird, but I don't want to push him.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Friday, February 02, 2007 at 12:45 PM

Friday, February 02, 2007

So are you in?

He shifted uncomfortably. He nodded quietly so that I wouldn't see him do it, but I was watching. Yeah, he'd do it.

There's the drinks and the pizzas and maybe cleaning up if someone makes a mess. I can't be distracted by these things while I'm being host. It's important. I've got Roxy coming round and David is going to be there. That's two already that you need to consider. There is that whole thing.

Moe and Monopoly will be here. Monopoly is only really coming to flesh out the party, otherwise Roxy and David will just be chatting and falling in love while Moe watches with no one to talk to or tell about his life so far.

If I can get David onto the TV games he could pull moves out of his sleeves that would just destroy Monopoly. Oh, I'm sorry. I seem to have made more points than you have seen in your whole life of being a fat aggressive teenager. Borrowing TV games from people and not letting other people play it regardless of the fact that those people won't ever know. 'Hogging it' styles.

"Won't you need another controller?" asked the landlord. He didn't know TV games.

What do you mean?

"If you want them to play each other you need there to be two controllers." He pointed out.

Well, that's what points are for.

"It's pretty childish. And it's a bit weird." He carried on pointing out.

Well, how childish is it that I could rip you apart right now and eat you, but I don't because someone once told me that you're not a seal. You don't hear him complain about my lack of doing that.

I ended up with David coming round later. I told him how there was this girl coming who was beautiful and funny and cool and could do these awesome tricks where she made stuff disappear. She wouldn't fall in love with Monopoly because he's 'overweight'. And Moe's depressed. People tend to stay away from people who are depressed. It's draining.

I don't usually like sad people, but I guess he's a guy so there isn't any real commitment there. He gets awkward, you ask him to leave. Girls are real hard to shake.

I didn't even entertain the idea that she could fall in love with me. I'm like her age times ten. But girls have done weirder things. Also, I was a hell of a lot older than Celene when she married me. I don't know if you would say that she fell in love with me though. Her dad forced us to get married when he found out that I had done her. In Japan. After the war.

Hell, we were all doing it then. I was the only one who got caught. And I guess that's why I was the only one who got married. I guess that's why they all left and I'm still here.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Party's nearly here. Hooray.
I told the landlord to get a bunch of stuff yesterday. He got ribbons for the wall. I'm about to glue them up. He got sweets and stuff and David just came round. I told him to come early.

I explained my plan to him. About how I'd get Moe and Monopoly to play TV games while Roxy and him sat on the other side of the bed just talking. Then no one would be awkward and everyone would just get on with their stuff and Roxy and David would fall in love and that girl next door who teased me would finally be out of the picture for good.

He didn't respond. He knew how good things would be now.

I had told the landlord to wait in the kitchen while I talked to David. I didn't want him making it awkward.

"Ok, you can come out now." I called at him.

David looked quite surprised with his mouth open and eyes wide, "Who's here?"

Oh, it's the landlord. I didn't want him to just stand around while we talked. We're nearly finished setting up. Come, lets go. We've got all these ribbons and this glue and all this space on my wall where it needs to have been clear.

I asked David if he knew any moves?

You know. Monopoly will be here and I was wondering if you, like, knew any moves?

It's just that Roxy will be here and Monopoly has played a lot of TV games. I know he dies a lot and all. But he plays a lot too. Maybe he's better than when I saw him.

I think I've got a special move I can do.

Good.

Can you kill guys so quickly and well that you can make it seem like they're saying stuff?

What?

You're just kicking guys and kicking faster and then wham! You've got like twenty opponents lined up and you know which ones will make which noises when you kill them and you play it so that you kill them in the order and at the speed required to make them say whatever you want. And what you make them say makes everyone watching you play step back and think about life. Think about what it means to them that they exist like this now. All the while bringing them back down with a firm kicking-in of "this is just a video game, I just play it well".

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User comments

Arbot

I can't make the party, I work tommoro
but i had an awkward moment tonite
we were all drinkin
and I bought a round of tequial shots
(cause thats the only way I can get people to have them with me now)
and as per tradition,
it was my round, so my toast,
and I said(cause I was laready drunk at this time)
"here's to sharky"
everyone looked at me wierd
cause they didn't know
but I couldn't explain
so I pointed at my frined
with the crooked teeth
and said
"he's a helluva guy"
i would prolly be beating myslef up over it
but im so drunk it's funny

Posted by Arbot on Saturday, February 03, 2007 at 11:49 AM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

Did you mean that I was a helluva guy or that the crooked teeth guy was a helluva guy?

I'm a shark.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Saturday, February 03, 2007 at 12:09 PM

Arbot

honestly
neither
your a shark
and hes boring

Posted by Arbot on Saturday, February 03, 2007 at 12:24 PM

Arbot

ever notice how most people that start a statement with "honestly" are lieing?

Posted by Arbot on Saturday, February 03, 2007 at 12:27 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

Are you drunk on tequila right now?

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Saturday, February 03, 2007 at 12:39 PM

Arbot

yeah
my friends crapped out early
I say fie on all porr-stamina'd friends

Posted by Arbot on Saturday, February 03, 2007 at 12:48 PM

Arbot

hehe

i said fie

fuck, what awaste of a good drunk e-travels are

Posted by Arbot on Saturday, February 03, 2007 at 12:50 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

I'm sorry.

I'm waiting for guests to arrive. And I'm on MySpace, so I guess that I'm not wasting any time. I'm actually doubling my how much I am doing.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Saturday, February 03, 2007 at 12:53 PM

Arbot

very efficient of you sharky
I forgot your in a way different timezone
I'm planning a trip to kenya in a year
but thats neither here nor there
and I only mean its a wate of a drunk
cause I would rather be doing things
i can pretend ot forget i did

Posted by Arbot on Saturday, February 03, 2007 at 12:57 PM

Arbot

ah hell, now your not answering too
I guess the pary started and you have a good excuse
I"M THERE IN SPIRIT!!!!!

i have no one to talk to
I guess I'll call and wake up an ex
they hav nuthin better to do

Posted by Arbot on Saturday, February 03, 2007 at 1:17 PM

Saturday, February 03, 2007

So. I guess that my party hasn't really started yet.

I told Moe that I was having a party today. I told him that everyone was going to be there and that I was going to have pizzas and sweets and stuff. He hasn't come yet. Roxy hasn't come either. I guess I didn't actually tell her that it was happening. I just sort of figured she would come. I talked about it a lot in the blog. I guess she didn't care.

Some people have their parties at night. They might all rock up at like midnight and demand fun.

I got the landlord to stand in the kitchen most of the time while me and David sat on my bed and David played TV games. I was all hyped at first. I was drinking so much cool drink it wasn't even funny. I was just running around and shouting at one point. I said that we didn't have any music until Monopoly got here and I said that we should just sing for ourselves.

No one wanted to sing so I just did. I got so excited and full of energy. I was running around the room jumping on the bed and pretending to be singing into a microphone.

David thought it was cool. He kept saying, "Yeah!" Really loud. He got more confident each time he said it. At one point I thought he was going to hit me. He was just so pumped up.

"Hey!" I pointed at the landlord. "You there in the kitchen! You know that 'peedo' that was spraypainted on the wall outside?" I gave him a few sedconds to remember while I focused my expression on him. I also calmed myself down a lot. "I wrote that. I was the guy who wrote 'peedo' on my wall. So what?"

David stopped cheering me on with his body language. I think he sat down too. The landlord just looked at me. I realised that he hadn't changed his expression since I started running around the room. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I had been drinking a purple cooldrink. I always thought that it would be awesome if they said that drinks were like, "purple-flavoured" or "green-flavourd" instead of coming up with stupid lies to make it sound better.

When I came back out David was just sitting playing TV games and the landlord was sitting on the floor next to the bed. I glared at him. David didn't look at me.

"Why are you out of the kitchen?" I insinuated all sorts of anger. The landlord didn't move. He looked calm.

"Shark. No one is coming... Did you even invite anyone?" His voice was soft." You know how you get shy when it comes to that sort of thing."

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User comments

Arbot

thats too bad sharky

why did you graffiti your own house?

Posted by Arbot on Sunday, February 04, 2007 at 9:40 AM

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Man, yesterday was a blur. I woke up feeling like I had passed out, but I know that I didn't. Everyone left pretty early and I spent the rest of the evening looking stuff up on the internet. Did you know that your body can't digest meat?

In total it was David and the landlord. And that girl who David knows.

David was the one who was looking for answers. I was the only one who owned their own house. The landlord ended up not serving drinks. Which I think is fair. He didn't talk much so I guess he couldn't really embarrass me.

The party turned into us sitting on my bed in a circle. We were talking about ourselves. Sort of taking turns. It turns out that the girl is really interesting. She has a tattoo on her ankle. She showed us.

David asked me why I would spraypaint my own house. He said it must have taken a lot of effort to get it off. I guess it did. Well, 'peedo' means kid. Only I spelt it wrong. It's what a lot of kids are calling each other. It's cool. I don't mean 'cool' like popular. I mean it so it means that something isn't weird.

We got pretty intimate. The girl (Sarah) told us about how her dad is unemployed and gets drunk all the time. She says that it's okay because her Mom makes a lot of money with her job. We all thought that it must be really sad for her mom to work all day and come home to see her husband has drifted a little further away and just have to be cool because she earns the money so she can't just lose herself. But I think it must be even more sad for the dad because he knows that it's happening.

I told them how my wife and kid aren't talking to me right now. But it's cool because they'll come back and I'm used to being alone. I joked that I'm kind of like a wolf because I hunt alone and never see my family and everyone laughed because I said that I was a wolf but I'm actually a shark. The landlord said "excuse me" and got up really quickly and went to the bathroom for a bit. It would have been his turn too. I'm pretty sure he planned it.

David said that he was the one who spraypainted the wall. He said that he told his friend about the letter that I had dropped on his lawn and then they came and spraypainted my wall. He said that his friend kind of pressured him into it. He wouldn't have done it otherwise. I noticed that the girl and him were holding hands. I looked away before they saw me looking.

It's a good thing that the landlord wasn't in the room when David said that he did it. He would have flipped. He seemed real angry about it when he cleaned it off. He could probably hear David tell us, but he was in the bathroom so it would have been really weird on him to come out and admit that he was listening to us while he was on the toilet.

Sarah is vegetarian. She says it's not entirely because it's cruel towards animals. She says it a whole bunch of things. It's a personal choice. I told her that I only eat meat when someone else makes it for me. Usually I just eat cereal or I'll make a sandwich. She said that was good.

When they were all leaving she asked me what my cell phone number was. The landlord said that I don't have a cell phone. He was angry because I gave the one that he gave me to Celene. I had promised him that I would use it. He thought that my phone was broken, which it isn't. She said that she'd visit again with David.