The Ancient Shark Of Despair's blog

Monday, February 05, 2007

No action since the party. Sarah hasn't come round yet. She's really interesting. I think she has a lot going for her. I'm not saying that she blew me away or anything. It's just that she is really fascinating and knows all this stuff about people.

No action is okay though. I've got time. Unlike everyone else.

Also, last night the landlord asked me why I wrote 'peedo' on my wall. I told him that I knew the consequences. I knew that people would complain. It's just that you have to not worry about this stuff. If you're going to be happy. It's all for the future.

He said, "Shark. I don't know why you would do this to us. People were looking at me funny. They don't know how you are. They thought that I was just letting it happen"

"You did just let it happen!" I shouted at him!

"Shark! This is your doing." He put his hands up like as if he thought I was about to run at him. "You wrote it! You didn't have to, but you did."

"No! Yesterday at the party, you just sat there and made everyone awkward. It's no wonder that I don't have any friends!" I looked at him hard and pointed towards where the 'peedo' had been written. "You did it."

He stopped for a second and then said, "Look, I don't care about the wall. Even though it's pretty immature. I don't think you should invite those kids around again. You don't know how it looks to others."

I sat down and just held myself. I didn't say anything else after that and he left after a while.

Hey, you ever think about how this is all just practice? Like for a big event in the future? All this trivial stuff that happens everyday. All this stuff that normal people like. Going to the shops and the banks and going to work and getting married and then getting divorced. All the stuff that everyone else goes through. In the end it's all going to fall away and we're going to have to fight with these skills that we've gotten from all of this randomness. At least my practice was cool. I didn't waste it on having my name ticked off on some list.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

User comments

niel

So the landlord didnt hear david say he sparypainted the wall with that other kid yesterday? that is good. or maybe he is just pretending not to have heard and he is trying to make you say that it wasnt you in the first place. either way, i think even though he can be a bit weird and moody sometimes he is just trying to help you.

Posted by niel on Monday, February 05, 2007 at 6:55 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

I think he is just being plain weird. He doesn't even own a place to live. I wouldn't expect him to understand.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Tuesday, February 06, 2007 at 4:48 PM

chu tu

i hope the real thing comes your way at some point

Posted by chu tu on Monday, February 05, 2007 at 9:45 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

I hope that when it comes it's an adventure.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Tuesday, February 06, 2007 at 4:54 PM

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

I think one day someone is going to push me over the edge and I'm just going to flip. I'm going to totally let loose my understanding of people and they're just going to hate themselves for always being so sad and just freak out.

Next time the landlord brings up his campaign of loneliness I'm just going to unleash half of a century of emotional knowhow at him. Yeah, I've been watching. I've had a wife. I've had a child. I've even seen a man get ripped apart by the jaw by his best friend for actually being an assassin. I may not have actually killed anyone, but I've seen worse things in my mind.

"Oh, I'm sorry, you say that you don't like that I've got all these new friends and that I'm hanging out with all sorts of wild people while you're just still blocked up in that room of yours with the alarm on in the rest of the house just in case some one breaks in while you can't see it happen."

Yeah, basically I'm a little bit upset that the landlord is getting on my case so much. It's not weird that I want to have friends that are younger than me. It's not like I can't just hang out with older people. I was the one who kicked Celene out. And I pretty much got the kid to leave too. By the way, I named him Michael a few weeks ago. It was pretty cool. I'd put that off all these years for all these reasons and it finally felt like now I had a good enough reason.

What I'm saying is that I can hang out with older people, it's just that I prefer younger people. With older people you're always trying to live up to some idea about how you're supposed to relate to society and stuff. You're always trying to keep in the box. With kids, it's like they're still learning about all this stuff so by hanging out with them it's like you're even helping them learn the right stuff. Not all this stuff about going to banks and getting married.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

User comments

Arbot

if it were just a matter of will
what would you teach every kid?

Posted by Arbot on Tuesday, February 06, 2007 at 9:48 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

I would teach people not to be on the other side. I mean... I feel that there is this definite idea about what is right and what is wrong I I definitely think kids should stick on the right side. I know for myself that I am on the right side and I feel that kids should try stick on this side too. With me.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Wednesday, February 07, 2007 at 5:04 PM

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

You know what the problem is with the internet? Nobody knows who you are. I think that what is cool about our community is that everyone knows who everyone else is because we know that we're the community. Think about it, every time you say something just using your own personality it's like, "Hello. Yeah, you won't get this because you haven't known me since we were younger, but, like, I have all these feelings too. I just want to be cool with you because if I don't do that with people I'm going to be lonely."

Next time you try talk to people don't just be all about yourself and all the hopes and dreams that you can fit into your conversation. Try make it seem like you guys are on the same team. Be all, "Hey, I was just thinking about how we're cool with each other already. And that's cool. Other people don't have this. Other people wouldn't understand."

This is what people call friendship. When you become friends with people you don't have to think about all the reason why you should hurt. You're on a team and if some older people want to come and tease you, you just say, "Oh, yeah. That probably is a really true fact that would make me think about all the reasons that I shouldn't be happy. I guess there is no real link between people and that is why we hurt. Oh, yeah, I guess that is how it is, Old People. It's just that I stand for more than just myself and am going to have to check it out with the guy standing next to me if he feels the same way. I'll get back to you."

But you don't get back to them. You don't talk about all these lonely things that hurt. You know why, because you just gotta sit back and relax because you're on a team now and you don't have to take the hurt anymore. Hurting is a virus and you're just going to spread it.

The reason I can just see this stuff and talk about it is because I don't have people I grew up with. Well, I do. It's just that they are all gone. Everyone that I meet now are just add-ons to my life. They don't make me. That's why when Celene left and the kid left and still haven't gotten hold of me I'm okay with it.

Arbot

Old People heal slower, it's not their fault.
Hurt isn't always communicable.
Sometimes its good to wade into anothers hurt, I don't know why yet, but I think it is a good thing, I wish I could explain.

I hope this doesn't exclude me from the community, or make me a periah.

It's ok to hurt Sharky.

Posted by Arbot on Thursday, February 08, 2007 at 1:00 AM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

Ok. If hurt isn't communicable then why do old people always want to bring it up?

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Thursday, February 08, 2007 at 8:14 PM

Arbot

it's the only way to make it go away

Posted by Arbot on Friday, February 09, 2007 at 1:01 AM

east side erin ♥

pedophile phreak!!!!

Posted by east side erin ♥ on Thursday, February 08, 2007 at 4:08 AM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

It's nice to see you again, east side.

'phreak' looks really Greek. Like ancient Greek.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Thursday, February 08, 2007 at 7:45 PM

Maxi

i totally understand, like today in our basketball match i got hit on the lips twice and so it got cut open and i was bleeding. if the meanie who did it had been in our community, none of that would ahve happened :c

Posted by Maxi on Thursday, February 08, 2007 at 7:40 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

I wrote all this stuff as a reply and then it turned into a blog. So I posted it as a blog.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Thursday, February 08, 2007 at 8:12 PM

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Maxi commented on yesterday's blog and told us how she was attacked by some agro teenager all hyped up on hormones. It happened in her basketball match. Her lip was cut open.

I was going to reply to it but got carried away and decided to blog about it. So, wherever I say 'you' I mean Maxi, not you (the person reading this right now)

You gave one solution. You imagined the offender being part of the community and how it wouldn't have happened then. Okay. I understand that your entire perspective on life is based on an area so small on a map of outer space that if you stuck a pin in it it would just crush everything for like lightyears away.

Scientifically speaking, the 'fact' that happened can't be undone. It always existed. So, for you to say that if they were in the community things would have been different is blatantly ignoring reality. If they were in the community they still would have done what they did. You can't get around this: it happened.

The only real solution would be if you imagine if we were all standing around when it happened. This isn't unreasonable because in the community, we're all going to be so supportive of each other that stuff like this won't seem boring.

If the meanie did it while the community was standing around watching the game it would have been different and awesome. We could have confronted them with our love. I'm just imagining this big circle of people closing down on this sixteen year old girl all opened armed crying for a justice. The group is crying for justice, not the girl. The girl is shutting her eyes really tight like as if she thinks that someone is about to run at her real quick maybe have something go at her face.

We get closer and closer and then you get brought to the front of the queue. No one is talking now. We're all still, no longer moving in. She looks around but can't help notice that no one is looking at her. She feels lonely. She sees you kneeling down, your face is so close to the ground that you can feel your breath being reflected back at you. You jump and extend your arms running at her.

She can't help but be surprised by everyone's eyes suddenly focusing on her. She is no longer alone. Just as the feeling of surprise peaks, you grab her and hug and hug her and hug and everyone cheers at you guys and shouts your names. "Everyone is okay now!" they shout.

The crowd disperses as quickly as it assembled and we are left grinning on our own in the center of a basketball court. One of the mothers who was watching the game breaks down, crying. She realised just how many times she said 'no' to someone because she was scared. She realised how she was that little girl. She was weeping for all the minutes wasted pretending to not see someone looking at her. She needs to tell her husband that she loves him. Her boss is secretly in love with her.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

User comments

Murray

YAY!

*beams productively*
Maxi is my friend! She just asked me now. We had to make it official at some point. And now is when I'm most proudest. Also, she told me she ate five of the chuckles I gave her and one fell on the floor.

And she's been sticking the magnetic pegs I gave her on her braces for EVERYONE to see. (except the people who are just blatantly mean and wouldn't have given her high-fives)

She's pretty special.

=)

Posted by Murray on Thursday, February 08, 2007 at 8:58 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

Magnets are pretty magical.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Thursday, February 08, 2007 at 9:06 PM

Maxi

I must admit that this is a pretty darn awesome blog. everything is suddenly clear.

and indeedy i have been running about peg-a-showing all week. i'm legendary now. it's great. i also have a lunchbox. people like my lunchbox. gives me an elevated level of respect.

thanks shark

Posted by Maxi on Thursday, February 08, 2007 at 9:09 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

No problem, Maxi! This is what community is for.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Thursday, February 08, 2007 at 9:16 PM

Maxi

*hug*

<3

Posted by Maxi on Thursday, February 08, 2007 at 9:30 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

Did you notice how the title was like it was the blog speaking and not me?

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Thursday, February 08, 2007 at 9:40 PM

Friday, February 09, 2007

This is a comic about my blog yesterday, which was all about Maxi. Thinking about her problem and the response I gave just got me feeling creative. I like it when a blog or a blog comment gets me feeling creative. Before I had this blog, I always felt that any pictures I drew would better help historians in the future know about my past, because I might not be able to remember it by then. I'm not too sure how long my memory works for, but I can remember everything right up to when I was born right now with no problem, so I guess it will keep working for a load more years.

I forget some things, though. But no more than everyone else. Sometimes, I forget where I put things, which is why I always put them down in the same place every time. Sometimes, especially these days with all these people in my apartment all the time (especially young people who are just naturally curious and have a lot of energy), people pick stuff up and move it around. Later, I'm looking for that exact thing that someone moved around and then I can't find it and then I get angry at that person for picking stuff up, or even just for being there in the first place. But then I think about it and I go, 'No, it was good that they were here, even if they did move stuff around and disturb things. We chilled. It was good. We learned stuff from each other.' And I usually find whatever it was that got lost anyway, and everything's cool.

Hope you like this comic. I'm working on a long one about Monopoly.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

User comments

Arbot

I like abstract
but I dont get it

Posted by Arbot on Friday, February 09, 2007 at 1:09 PM

Ancient Shark Of Despair

It's all about yesterday's blog, man. Come on! Look on the pain on that girl's face and tell me that it's abstract.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Friday, February 09, 2007 at 1:15 PM

Arbot

sorry sharky, I was drunk and trying to be funny, it wouldnt load a pic when i wrote that, it just said a bumch of letters and numbers and stuff

Posted by Arbot on Friday, February 09, 2007 at 9:17 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair
By the way, the people that you drink with don't sound very happy. I'm talking about the guy with the crooked teeth. You're pretty cool about it though. If you were my brother or cousin or roomate or something I wouldn't mind if you got drunk a lot.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Friday, February 09, 2007 at 10:40 PM

Arbot

but I'm not
so, does that mean you do?
actually my friend likes the nick-name, go figure
its like acknowleding it, and naming him for it, like..I dunno, freed him from emberassment. It was kinda annoying the other night, he kept talking about himself in third, and making this toothy snarl face, but whatever.

Well, I'm off.

Posted by Arbot on Saturday, February 10, 2007 at 10:00 AM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

Well, as long as you don't throw up on my bed, we're cool.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Saturday, February 10, 2007 at 11:51 AM

Arbot

o crap
now it loaded
.....

Posted by Arbot on Friday, February 09, 2007 at 1:12 PM

Arbot

maybe if her boss shaved it would help

Posted by Arbot on Friday, February 09, 2007 at 1:15 PM

The Ancient Shark Of Despair

Yeah. She's probably threatened by his raw masculinity. Hair freaks me out also, but I am covered in grease.

Posted by The Ancient Shark Of Despair on Friday, February 09, 2007 at 1:21 PM

Maxi

i think it's wonderful! captures the true essense of all things pure

Posted by 'xine on Saturday, February 10, 2007 at 10:47 PM