The Ancient Shark Of Despair's blog

10 Aug 2007

I don't know what it is, but nowadays I feel like I have more time to sit back and plan things. I don't know if I would even call it planning. What I mean is what happens when you sit in your room and listen to music and just stare at something. You're thinking about people, not in a bad way. It's not like I'm a manipulator or slanderer. You're thinking about how people see you and how you see them.

Maybe you're wrong. Maybe all your ideas about other people and stuff is based purely on all the things that you want to believe the hardest. You might only believe those things because your mind is tricking, because it's just lazy.

Anyway, these are the things that I think about.

That's me I'm talking about, sitting in my room listening to music and thinking about Moe. I've had this weird feeling about everything lately. About everything that's going on.

The other night I went to Moe's house to pick up Sarah. It was pretty weird because he's always the one visiting me. I'm never at his house!

Man, his house is awesome. Things that are in his house seem mystical compared to other people's houses. His mirror could have been a portal into another world. Imagine that. Imagine if you could travel through portals and end up at another person's house. I don't know anyone's house whose mirror's would be able to do that. It would be pretty awesome if my mirror could accept people from his mirror.

I could imagine him popping in and Sarah is at my place and then we chill, just hanging out an playing TV games.

I saw the landlord today. It's funny how little he gets me. He came by my place and came in for a bit.

I don't think he even said anything. I stared at him and in my mind I told him all the things that he wouldn't understand about my life and what's going on.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

On friday we ordered pizza and it was okay. I ordered the usual amount of pizza and Moe came round to give it to me. I asked about what had happened the week before and he asked me what I meant. I looked at him.

"What do you mean?" He said again. He said it in an impatient voice. Like he wasn't kidding around. I didn't say anything.

I couldn't get him to stop looking at me and asking me what I meant. He said it again and sounded pretty angry. "Why did you ask me about last week?"

I smiled at him and changed the mood very suddenly. "No, man!" I said. "I mean you weren't working last time! That never happens. It's just funny. That's all!"

I smiled at him and he gave me a look that reminded me of Monopoly. I thought he was going to spit on me. I kept smiling though.

"What?" He looked at me and stopped before he was going to say anything more. He picked up the bill and handed it to me.

"What the hell did you mean by that?" He said. "Why did you mention my house?"

I kept to my word. "I meant because you weren't here." I said. "You always come on friday and last time you didn't. I didn't have anything to eat."

I don't know what did it. But he stopped being angry at me. He stopped quite quickly. He looked tired. "I'm sorry. Shark." He said. He rubbed his eyes and started playing with all the stuff in his pockets.

I imagine the stuff in his pockets to be a miniature version of his house. I can picture him carrying around little bits of his room. Little tokens and maybe the smallest toy he has. A little monster that you bend and stretch and it doesn't break and no one ever knows that it's there.

I ate alone that night. I ordered enough for the landlord too, but I didn't really want to spend the whole night with him.

Sarah came round again today. She just hung out for a bit and watched me play TV games. Later I took her to a friend's house (not Moe). I felt a bit bad about Moe. It's tough being loved furiously the one day and forgotten the next. I asked her where Moe was and she said that she didn't know.

I got to the house and waited round the corner. I got out carefully and hid in the back. My nerves acted up again and I was frightened, but I didn't let it get to me. I almost froze for a second when I heard someone talk. I gulped hard and my throat burned. I opened the back door quietly and hoped for the best.

After a while I stopped worrying about the people. I figured if they had seen me they probably would have done something by now. As I waited I thought about all the things I would tell Sarah. I didn't end up telling her any of the things but I thought up some good lines to put in my sitcom.

You'd have all these serious scenes were the jokes let up for a second and the characters calm down for a second and tell each other that they mean a lot for each other and that they care for one another. They wouldn't do anything to hurt each other. One of the kids would walk in and say, "Mom? Dad?" and the parents would jump back and push the other away. They'd both say at the same time, "I didn't mean it!". The mom would say that they were rehearsing for a play. The dad would say that it was Shakespeare and then try to name which play and everyone realises that he doesn't know any of Shakespeare's plays.

The kid shakes his head and says, "Old people are nuts."

The camera fixes on Ric. Ric is the dad who went to the moon and, now that he's come back, he's different. He got all messed up on the moon and everyone thinks that he is weird. Over time they grow and realise that he actually understands everything and then they accept him.

I waited in my car until Sarah phoned. I almost died when I got up from under the towels on my back seat. Sarah was standing over me outside the car. I didn't know it was her and almost died. When I got back home after dropping her off I went online.

I always feel all trippy when I listen to the computer connect. I feel like it's not a real sound and it's actually in my brain. Something to do with brainwaves being amplified or something, and that's how we actually hear things in our brain. That's how our thoughts sound.

I got an email from David. I didn't read it.

I saw his name in the inbox and I closed the window. I went to sleep later and thought about all the things that I would say to David. I didn't really come up with anything.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

I checked out that email after all. The one from David. It was pretty basic. He just said that he had moved with his family. He said that it happened so quickly that he didn't really have time to say goodbye or anything. I guess that's why he left the photos.

I told Moe that I got an email from David. He didn't say anything back.

"Don't you remember David?" I asked him. He looked at me for a second before he answered.

"No." He said quickly and looked away again.

"Oh, that's okay I guess." I thought about it. It was a really long time ago. "David kicked your butt on TV games. He was so good."

Moe didn't look any different, so I guess that anything he said next wouldn't be untrue.

"I have no idea who you are talking about." Moe said. He waited for a few seconds. "Is he a friend of yours?"

"Yeah." I said. I said to myself, "It must have been Monopoly. He got beaten."

"What?" Moe asked me.

"I don't know. I think Sarah was there." I said softly. "She was with him I think."

"When was this?" Moe asked. He got a bit urgent because he thought I wasn't going to explain.

"Um, nothing." I said. I turned around and laughed to myself softly. I turned back to Moe. "Hey, Moe!"

"What?" He said, slightly off-guard.

"EVERYTHING IS AN ILLUSION!" I said in a voice.

August 23, 2007 - Thursday

Sarah is sitting on my bed and I'm just clicking away at the internet. She tells me that maybe I should stop talking to Moe. Manipulator. I don't really care though. I'm not really the type of person to get involved in that sort of thing. People's feelings are weird enough without mixing them all together and trying to play with them. That's what I should have told her, only I just sat there and decided to let her figure it out for herself.

She was saying how Moe thinks all these weird things because of me and it's all pretty emotional and she's pretty much just asking me to respond to all of the emotions and then she stops and asks why I didn't tell her about the the email from David.

I thought that maybe this wasn't something to let her figure out for herself and that I need to say something quickly.

"I didn't even get the email until just the other day. I haven't even read it!" I said. I felt hot. I know that I hadn't done anything wrong, it's just that I got caught off guard.

"Why not?" Sarah asked me. She was playing with something on her shoe. She was scratching at some dirt I think.

"I don't know." I said. She looked up at me. "I'm just scared that things might have changed. I'm scared that I'm going to open that email and I'm going to know that we're completely different people. I know I am."

"Do you mean that?" She asked me. She stopped playing with her shoe.

"I do mean that." I said. "Yes."

"Oh, Shark!" She said. Her mood changed. "You shouldn't be scared! No, read it. Write back. Nothing's changed. You're still the same people."

I turned back to the computer. Neither of us said anything. She was waiting for me to respond.

"Why did he leave?" Sarah asked me. "You never told me."

I looked back at her. I didn't say anything and just looked.

"Shark?" Sarah asked. "Please tell me. Didn't he leave a letter or something?"

"No." I replied. "He didn't leave anything. I don't know what happened. He was there the one day and the he left."

I actually had read the email. David just spoke about what he was doing now. He's moved to a new school too. He said I must write back. I really mean to, it's just that I seem to not get round to it all the time.