The Ancient Shark Of Despair's blog

"I read that email from David." I said. I took a look at the bill. It was quite big because I was stocking up on some food for the weekend. The landlord is going away.

"Oh. You told me about that." He said. He watched me tap the bill while I read it.

"Yeah. He wrote me that email." I said. "He said that he wants me to write back."

"Oh." He said. "You should write back."

He was being a lot more friendly than recently. Maybe he got laid for once. I hope so. He's been getting really uptight.

"I've got a lot to say to him." I said. "A lot of stuff has changed. I'll tell him about my girl."

"Oh." He said. "Yeah, you should tell him."

His eyes widened at me. I swear, they got bigger.

"What else would you tell him?" He asked me.

"What?"

"What else would you tell him in your email? What else do you have to talk about?" He asked. His eyes fixed on me.

"What?" I asked again. But I had heard what he said. "All sorts of stuff. I'd tell him about all the things that have happened to me recently."

"Like what?" Moe asked.

I thought for a second.

"I think the most obvious thing to tell him would be about the adventure." I told him. "That's probably the main thing."

"Oh. Yeah." Moe said. "That sounds great. You should tell him about that.'

I gave him the cash and he left.

I sat down to write the letter. I didn't know what to tell him. I'll show you guys the letter once I've written it. I haven't really started yet. I've finished quite a lot of the pizzas though. I imagine them leaking outing my stomach. The hole from where Ric shot me. I'll tell David about that and how all the food leaks out.

I ran out of pizza pretty quickly this weekend. I had eaten more than half of it on Friday and it was supposed to last until yesterday. That's when the landlord was supposed to get back. I had to call him. Thing is, when I have the food right there, it's hard not to eat it. That's what I told him. I said to him that it's really hard for me, but he didn't care. He still got angry.

It's because of this hole in my stomach. Ric shot me in the tummy on that adventure and I've been leaking ever since. I can just see all of the food run out of me, that's why I don't get fat.

He came back a bit early. I didn't have any food left by lunch, Saturday. He was really annoyed. I guess I was too. That's why we didn't speak. He came in and made us food and then just left. I asked him if he wanted to watch TV and he said he didn't and just walked out.

I wanted to explain to him why I ate all the pizza. I figured he'd understand what it's like. I didn't want him to get more angry though.

I spent a summer in The South of France.

On the last day that we were there we found a cave. We got some torches from home and drove as close as we could get. I told Moe that I had a real big surprise for him and I don't think I knew at that point what it was going to be. We had to climb over a bunch of rocks and a few times Moe had to help me up. When we got to the top I thanked him collectively for all the separate times he helped me. He brushed it off like he typically would and just kept looking at the cave mouth.

"Look at that cave." He said. "It is so safe."

I pretended that I was the cave. That I was swallowing us both and it was okay now. I would stroke my stomach and wouldn't ever have to eat again. In my dream I married Sarah and kissed her. I'm not sure how it happened, all I know is that suddenly I didn't have this overwhelming fear like she was slowly disappearing.

She asked me where David was and I just held onto her hand. I knew that I was dreaming and wanted to get as much out of it before the rest of me found out. I kissed her again. And I kissed her again. Her lips wouldn't move and she couldn't speak to me. I kissed her slowly until I thought that I had frozen too. I thought that I could get into her groove.

It hit me right then that I was still in the cave. It hit me hard.

I started disappearing.

"It's so safe." I said back to Moe. "We should stay in here forever."

He knelt down and opened his bag. He took out of it a tin and placed it on the floor. He opened the tin and there was pizza inside. He had all the best types of pizza. He had ones with meat and ones without.

"I got all different types." He said to me. "This way you can have something that's just right no matter what your mood is like."

He looked up at me and motioned for me to take one. I didn't know what mood I was in. I didn't know how I wanted it to be. I didn't know if it was meant to be hot or cold. I couldn't choose.

"It's okay." He said to me. "You can have all of them if you want."