The Ancient Shark Of Despair's blog

Everything was completely still. Ric was doing things in his lab. He stood over alien shapes of glass making up a landscape of weirdness all around him. He was weird. Leaning, he stumbled as if he was drunk, but he wasn't. He grabbed at the table he was working on for support but instead knocked over some glass on his way down and fell into what soon became a pool of shattered beakers and a Bunsen burner. He lay in his broken pool and tried to move with his mind.

Ric had been up there for so long. All sorts of reasons were thrown at him until he just couldn't care anymore. It was psychological. They told him he would come back down soon and then they said that he wouldn't. His boss was in love with his wife and he didn't even know if it made a difference anymore. He was on the moon.

“Ric. Come in, Ric.” A voice spoke to him. But he wasn't going crazy. He was already crazy but this was real. I guess it doesn't even matter anymore. He ignored it as much as he ignored his own pleas to get up. Get a grip. Stand up. Live, just live.

“Did you get our messages?” The voice said again. He started recognising the voice. He opened his eyes. He had grown accustomed to holding his eyes shut to keep the tears in. He tried to hold out but he couldn't stop it anymore. A little blue light on the back of his space suit buzzed inappropriately. His moisture levels were high. He was crying.

“Ric, please. Please speak to me.” He heard the voice begging him, shaking him out of his stupor. All of a sudden he remembered who he was. He remembered who she was. He jumped up with glass falling upwards and twisted himself at the phone. Running and jumped with his hand held forward. He fell again but this time the phone was his support. It crashed down with him and he pushed it to where his ear would be.

An empty dial tone rung through him. He had just missed her. He realised that he hadn't spoken to her months. He tried to remember what she looked like. He couldn't see, his eyes were fogged up and running with tears. I can't tell you how painful this was.

He was confined to his room. He couldn't go outside because there was nothing. He was on the moon every single day and every single night. Except in space there is no day and night. There's no break between the nameless periods of pain that exist. All your emotions just turn into one big ball and all you can realise is how much it hurts. Think about it. How much everyone is capable of feeling. All that pain. Every time we talk to people, every single thing we say, it's all potential for hurting people and I'm sorry. I truly don't want anyone to hurt, but clearly I'm not in charge here. I'm sorry.