Semiotic Cohesion Comics & Art

We've all heard the rumours. Apparently, The Book Lounge was planning on selling a compilation of my comics, apparently. I decided that, being a shrewd business man, I should compile my own compilation complete with some unseen goodies and new full-on psychedelic front/back covers. Then, I'd go to The Book Lounge mere minutes before their guy rocked up with his batch and I'd pretend to be him, thus you know, thus deceit. I hung outside across the road watching for anyone dressed suspiciously like me (white fake fur coats, black fake fur coats, psychedelic ponchos, red & white checkered bomber jackets, etc.).

Photo by the impermeable Michaela Verity. For the good stuff: http://michaelaisthephotographer.blogspot.com/

After about an hour, disappointed at having been robbed of that highly sought after 'sex-with-doppelganger' twist, I burst in throwing my comics left right and center; taking turns to scream at each person inside in a different made up language. When the emotional smoke had cleared and the people I had been screaming at moments earlier had helped me pick up the fine products of my trade, one of the owners -JOHAN(N?) (coincidentally, my real name is JOHANN)- fell right into my trap.

SO! The Hedgemony Comics Ultra Million Pack Mega Edition (Extreme) is prominently displayed and on sale at The Book Lounge. You should definitely go to their shop, and coincidentally buy a copy of Hedgemony EXTREME! I mean, just do it and see where life takes you. I mean, what's the worst that could happen. I mean, it's a pretty darn good publication. I mean, when was the last time you supported something beautiful. I mean, except for like Danny K concerts.

- I mean, Sebastian coincidentally.

Hello. Look at how big you are now! You must be very strong.

So the last time I let you, the mysterious and handsome reader of this blog, know that I had been touting fine Semiotic Cohesion product upon the unwary public whilst surrounded by a jury of small-press comics publishing peers, it was February or some nonsense and I was banging on about Inverness. Well, listen here - I've been to four whole other events like that one and never even bothered to tell you about them. What do you think of that, dear reader? Do you want to fight? Did you know that I am over three meters tall? You cannot hope to win.

CHAPTER 0001: UK MINI AND WEBCOMIX THING, MILE END (like the song), LONDON

First up, I went to the UK Mini & Webcomix Thing, at some point it what was almost certainly March. My memories of this far-off time are few. The best part of everything was that the travel time was nil, since Melody lives right in Mile End I remember that there were some Germans running around asking pointed questions and laughing, always laughing, in German.

(Note: For reasons that vex and elude, I am unable to link directly to the site of these fine German fellows. Please, have a look for yourselves through the old-timey 'copy and paste' method of browsing: http://zettgeist.blogspot.com/2009/04/two-herren-and-british-invasion.html )

I took a photo of this lady, whose name and whereabouts are unknown to me.

Maybe she is the key to understanding UK Mini and Webcomix? Maybe I fell in love with her, but in the end she turned out to be a ghost.

This photo of Mike Rouse-Dean is my only other clue as to what happened that day.

I remember that we were discussing nudity. Here he looks quite grumpy. Perhaps the nudity was making him feel low? Maybe being away from his native Yorkshirian soil saps his strength and poisons his well? As a vaguely-native Yorkshirian myself, I can report that it is a horrible place and no one should ever go there.

Kate Beaton was kicking around there too. Sebastian and I had a plan to seduce her together. I would pretend to be him and wow her with his Hedgemony comics. Then we would have to keep up the pretence of me being Sebastian and many sitcom hijinx would ensue. It would all end terribly and we would be satisfied. Unfortunately, I right off the bat started talking about what a horrible place Yorkshire is (see above), which I suppose is quite a bad thing to say to someone who is all into history and whatnot. I withered under her protests and found myself confessing to its natural beauty and rich, possibly significant history, conceding that really it's only my gran's house that is awful because it is soaked in piss. My anti-pride shattered, I disappeared, never to be seen again. But not before buying one of her comics. I later gave it to my Mum, who proclaimed that it was the only comic she'd ever understood.

Also, Tom Meddings was there, moving his hands so quickly!

UK MINI AND WEBCOMIX THING
NUDITY QUOTIENT: LOW

CHAPTER 00002 - SPEXPO2009, STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN

Oh, here's a fine piece of continuity that seems to make sense of this saucy spaghetti of bafflement we call causality - In the bar after the Webcomix Thing, I ran into a man named Adam Cadwell and his hetero life-mate, Marc Ellerby. They told strange and wonderful tales of a land named Sweden and its only city, Stockholm. There was a small press comics expo of some description there, they said. They would be going - how cool was that? This stirred a memory or two in me.

INTERLUDE: CRACK PANTHER! ROME, ITALY 2008

Way back in the mist of 2008, while selling comics in the dungeon of a Roman castle built to scare the Pope, some upstanding Swedish citizens from the unfairly brilliant Galago outfit, told me that I would have a time and a half for sure at SPEXPO2009, as they liked to call it. Among these good Swedes were:

Kolbeinn Karlsson - Some kind of giant, living Viking, whose awesome new book sits now sits proudly on my bookshelf until it is time to give it to Sebastian, because it is totally his sort of thing.
Find him here: http://www.pappacomics.blogspot.com/

Loka Kanarp ( http://www.lokakanarp.blogspot.com/ ) - whom I was quite prepared to fall in love with. "You can't do it," said a trusted advisor, "Her boyfriend is the biggest publisher of pornographic comics in Sweden."
"I have hardly published any pornography at all!" I lamented.

Anyway! Back at London and closer to the present, Adam assured me that the tables were huge and the admission was free. Swift as a bunny, Melody and I booked a table and before long we were in grey old Stockholm, greeted everywhere by the image of the Swedish president, who is a naked older woman.

I said 'hello' to Johannes, who promptly spilled coffee on me, I was told I was the second person ever to have bought the new League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen book, and I promised Kolbein that I would be at the launch party of his book that very evening. I tried to go, but it was full. Girls in black t-shirts with radio earpieces told me in clear English that I couldn't go. My heart broke and everyone else had a good time. I went back to the hostel and read the latest chapter of The Saga Of The European King to Melody, and she was probably delighted.

We were placed in an English ghetto along with the aforementioned Marc and Adam, joined and made strong by the addition of the Lizzes Greenfield and Lunney, along with Matt Sheret, whom I kept on mistaking for Marc, to escalating embarrassment. Possibly leading their motley/charming crew was the fiercely competent Anna Petterson, who crops up again in the next chapter. Continuity!

Many words were spilled about the public spending in Sweden. They have wheelchair ramps on every pavement. No one dies. Another aspect of the country / city I found interesting is that there are no dogs. In London, one is used to seeing dogs and their salty leavings everywhere. In Cape Town, they roam the streets at their own leisure, making one feel that one is in a science-fictional community among sentients of every size and shape. We tracked down the only dog in Stockholm and asked him how he felt.

"I am okay with this," he said.

But it all ended well, with wraps.

It was back to London after that, just in time for a riot.

SPEXPO 2009
JEFFREY BROWN'S MUMBLES QUOTIENT: HIGH


CHAPTER 000003 - SMALL PRESS EXPO, BRISTOL, ENGELENLAND

Due to a lab accident, the once-mighty Bristol Comics Festival deal was cut to the quick. 500 people gathered in the hallways of the Ramada and jostled the fellow who played one the stupider aliens from Star Wars while, on the other side of a big church, Mal from The Fallen Angel and Mike Allred hosted a Small Press do that was brave and bold and new and contained no ridiculous guest stars at all.

Responses were mixed. Mr. Paul Rainey, at a table with Peet Clack, seemed quite pleased with himself indeed!

However, this fellow just across from me, Mathew J Pallett, of Stir Fried Product, did not appear to be having an exciting time.

The public, bless their hearts, were too busy being shocked by the European release of Sebastian's masterpiece, Mexican Piss Dream, to offer any comment other than coughs and splutters. Apparently the secret to selling Mexican Piss Dream to people is to actually -be- Sebastian. When I have the technology, I will conduct tests.

BRISTOL SPEXPO 2009
STARING QUOTIENT: HIGH


CHAPTER 0000004 - MCM EXPO, LONDON, GREAT BRITAIN

The MCM Expo was quite a different kettle of fish altogether. It is really more of a dazzling totem to greed and plastic than a bunch of shy people trying to modestly foist their comics upon passers-by. In the past, there has been little concession or even recognition of a comics small press at all and all comers were charged at the same rate as, say, Paramount's Revenge Of The Fallen display. But thanks to the brave efforts of the aforementioned Anna Petterson and Emma Vieceli, and a good man named Pud, there now exists a cosy Comics Village where the likes of me can inexpensively hurl copies of Shark Of Wisdom at friendly people dressed as the cast of Bleach. Good on them.

I tried to get to the ExCell centre and the heart of the show on the preceding Friday so that I could set up at a leisurely pace and talk shit up with folk. However, due to a hilarious error, I and my trundly case full of comics ended up in Leyton, which would be a terrible place to put an international conference centre. Anna and Emma's voices were soothing over the telephone. "Don't give in," they said. "Follow your heart. Come to the sound of my voice(s)."

Folks, I did what they said and I slid my wheely case under my table just as someone told me to get the hell out of the hall. I was rewarded with an invitation to drinks at the nearby public house, where the voice of Anna was revealed to be played by the same Anna from Stockholm and I tried to talk to Adam about Transformers and failed. Tony Lee ( http://tonylee.co.uk/ ) called me terrifying, then said some mean things about cosplayers and I got drunk on just two beers. Then I returned to Wandsworth, where my housemates were having an impromptu barbecue. They have been acting suspiciously happy ever since the painfully dull New Zealand housemate moved out. After about fifteen minutes sleep, it was back to the ExCellodrome, by route of a hundred rail replacement buses, whereupon I was met with many wonderful sights.

Like Philip Spence eating a sandwich!

Or the Weighted Companion Cube hugging a lady, for free!

I saw these guys again. Hi guys over there!

I saw Claude TC and Jon Scrivens talk to some Sims.

I had a shameful conversation of the sexual merits of various incarnations of Blackarachnia from Transformers with a girl dressed just like her. Conclusion - the one from Beast Machines doesn't even count.

Even famous grouch Gavin Haynes left the building with "a newfound sense of goodwill for mankind and his works." It was all that hugging that did it.

I even managed to expand the fanbase with some young wizards. Always handy in a fight.

And then Melody dressed up like a French maid. She's written all these events up too, and she provides a Mandarin translation too! Go and have a little look:
http://idbi.us/tpblog/

MCM EXPO
GOODWILL TO MANKIND QUOTIENT: MODERATE-TO-HIGH

So now we are all up-to-date and ready for a triumphant return to Rome for Crack On, where Sebastian and I may well meet again, and LUC the very week afterwards. I shall possibly wait many months till I blog about those.

In the meantime, The Ancient Shark Of Despair's blog will be wrapping up very soon. It may be hard to discern to the untrained eye, but I've been building up to a climax for a few months now. With the story polished up, it will be time to get the first book produced. The Saga Of The European King should be back to more regular updates too, along with more illustrations. A new webcomic is also in the works, entitled 'Cowboy Love Is Pure.' It looks a bit like this:

Onwards! Onwards to the future!

I am listening to the new Decemberists album. It is very complicated. Wikipedia tells me it's about changing shape and people generally getting raped. I will get the hang of it eventually.

First, I will show you a comic that Melody Lee made for me when I was telling everyone I was about to be ill and then didn't. I just found it in my mailbox now. There's all kinds of stuff in that mailbox!

And now let's get down to the giant info. As always, I'm conducting secret talks, negotiations and black ops strikes so that I may get this very website completely remade from the ground up. Then I shall turn into a beautiful butterfly and all will know my trilling call. So I've been making some graphics. Here.

That is a dancing man. He might be some sort of gnome or tokoloshi, I haven't quite figured out the mythos yet. But in any case he's the mascot of the new site, which shall no longer be called 'Semiotic Cohesion.' Nobody knows what Semiotic Cohesion is and not one person has caught the obscure Transformers reference in the title and logo. Not even the fellow who's been writing Transformers for most of his adult life, Simon Furman. I had to explain it to him, years ago, at some sort of big event. He didn't seem to think it was very funny.

Oh, so - the new site will be called 'Little Old Man.' That's him there. You will relate to him and want to eat his cereal.

Also, you will be able to buy stuff from us when the site is finished. Isn't that a nice thought?

Among the stuff you will be able to buy - a Saga Of The European King audiobook, with all the voices and everything. It is going to be so great. Have a taste, you savages:

Saga Of The European King Chapter Two - The Council Of Very War

Closing item: I am going to be at the UK Mini and Webcomix Thing this Saturday. I am fully expected to be excited. I am even going to buy a tablecloth. The first illustrated chapter of Saga Of The European King will be out, as will Sebastian's Mexican Piss Dream, for the ladies.

The Decemberists album is finishing again. I think they're getting married now? Didn't everyone hate each other a minute ago? I shall have to listen again. Or maybe I'll put on some Presidents Of The United States Of America. Pretty much all you need to know about their songs is in the title.

Sincerely,
Tom McNally

Well Sebastian, well well well. I can blog about the past too. Only in my version, the past happened just last weekend. In Scotland.

Yes friends, I broke a habit of a lifetime and stopped being in a place that wasn't Inverness. I paid way too much for a train journey and a reasonable amount to host a table at Hi-Ex and then let one of these events follow the other.

It was quite nice. I mean that in every way possible. I'm smiling while I write it. I overused the word 'nice' that weekend. I brought great shame to the ghosts of my English teachers, who are probably all dead now. I think they may be used to the dishonour after years of watching me use a comma splice in just about every sentence I write. The poor old shades. Go get some rest!

So I didn't take any photos at all because I lost my camera somewhere downstairs after a particularly successful fondue. But other people are less into that sort of thing and they have by now compiled some vigorous reports and Flickr compilations and what-have-yous, so I'll forego the whole damn report and link to their stuff, even though they seem to have not spent the whole weekend writing alarmingly romantic dedications upon the back cover of Semiotic Cohesion Number Ones recently purchased by teenage boys. I cribbed all the romantic lines from Sebastian, by the way. And the guy from the art supplies table gave me the pen. So I'm really quite far removed from the whole process.

Here are some picture photos taken of the event and Inverness in general from a dangerously delightful and suspiciously talented lady who goes by the name of Melody Lee or, for unknown reasons, TPCat. Her comics are full of animals eating and then/also fucking each other, all lovingly pencil-rendered in a painstakingly soft and whimsical storybook style. Some people wish they were James Bond. I wish I were Melody Lee. She's a lot more useful.

Also, she took a picture of my ass.

Those blogs I mentioned? There are here. Forbidden Planet UK has manifested one, as has Graeme Neil Reid, a fine young man whom I helped load his stuff into the hall on that frosty Saturday morning because I am polite. I didn't actually help him all that much, actually. But you can still go and read about him. I'm sure he's pretty interesting.

And Mr. Jeremy Briggs from Down The Tubes apologised for the spelling mistake his site had made many years ago, chatted for a bit, scooped up all the latest goodies from my table and then I found that he didn't write about me at all. He does have a pretty great picture of a cold dog in his report though, so I can deal.

Now I must go. I am disgustingly ill, with snot and sweat and everything, possibly due to various moral outrages I have committed. I should have got the flu jab this year. Apparently it was a really good one too. The flu jabbing guys were really proud of it. I'm sorry, flujabbers. I should have listened. I thought you were just showing off.

Sincerely,
Tom McNally

Not to be outdone by that scoundrel Sebastian, and having finally relented to the earnest requests of Mr. Mike Rouse-Deane, I went and did a thing for his glorious Guest Strip Project. It's all for charity, I am told. Charity, says science, is one of the most sexiest activities that a young man can enjoy, next to rock-climbing.

So sex up this shit, everyone:

http://www.moovok.co.uk/gsp/index.php?date=2009-01-04

Also, enjoy a larger, actually kind of readable version by clicking on the scary robot below:

Additional! I have just booked a somewhat pricey trip to Inverness to join in the maybe-fun and maybe-excitement that might be Hi-Ex. According to their exhibitor's list, we are "the producer of some rather bizarre yet very entertaining anthology comics." I think that's fair.

So it's on the 14th - 15th of February and if you like Scotland, you should go there and we can hang out and you can tell me all about your stupid day.

Oh, Christ and I forgot to tell anyone at all, but I'm also going to be at this thing here, which is free, to be found in London ('round Euston) and happens on the 1st of February. Many fine Semiotic Cohesion products will be available for you and your loved ones. Keep them close, never let them leave.

Sincerely,
Tom McNally