Mean Ol' Ry

Tim finished his exercise routine at the gymnasium. After a shower that lasted too long he met Rhonda at the Starbucks.

"Try this fruit. It is from South America and has lots of vitamins" said Rhonda.

"I'll try any fruit I'm not used to hearing about that has lots of vitamins" said Tim.

He ate the fruit. He could feel the vitamins powering up his Chi! and he wasn't alone! All over America people who exercised and ate the newest fad fruit from South America gained magical endurance, invulnerability, and Chi Powers!

It was catching on! soon millions of Americans were invulnerable to the elements of cold, heat, disease, pollution, and time! Many of them quit watching television! They quit dressing up for business lunches! They sold their houses and bought much cheaper houses and land. they mostly practiced carpentry and masonry and welding for a few hours a day, then loitered around.

"This is terrible" said one of the top guys at the big business meeting. "We aren't selling enough stuff. we've got to sell more stuff" said Dr.Eckstein. He wasn't a real doctor. he had a ph.d in economics.

one of the big boys from the fast food industry stepped up to the plate. he held a syringe in his hand. "we've got what it takes. a shot of weapons grade caffeine, nicotine, and testosterone". they hired the right lobbyists to get in with congress and the surgeon general.

Suddenly a new seasonal influenza was in the headlines. everyone had to get innoculated! So everyone got innoculated against the new seasonal flu!

The weapons grade shot of caffeine, nicotine, and testosterone had the predicted effect on normal people: they began charging up bigger televisions, dvd collections, video games, jet skis, atvs, paintball guns, real guns, golf clubs, interior decorating, and clothing on their credit cards. they signed the loan papers for more prestigious cars.

The weapons grade shot of caffeine, nicotine, and testosterone had an unforeseen effect on the 3 million americans who had become invulnerable through exercise and magic fruit. they turned into mindless violent hungry zombies! they broke into k-marts and wal-marts and Targets all over america. they played with all the toys, tried on all the clothes, flipped through all the channels! and then they didn't pay for the stuff! they just ran out carrying the last thing to catch their interest, then dropped it a few minutes later when they forgot about it. the police and national guard and deputies were rallied. but the zombies were invulnerable and stuff. Normal folks didn't like shopping cuz there were weird invulnerable zombies hanging out at all the stores and parking lots. The zombies were not dangerous. they were just kind of annoying and aggravating and people stopped going to the mall or downtown. so things got real crazy, and it was a Zombie Genre Story.