Mean Ol' Ry

Del Regt went back inside to the bakery. "time to make the bagels" he said.

"Del Regt! I want to learn the secret of bagels" said Guy.

"very well. come inside. I will show you how to make bagels" said Del Regt.

"Hey Guy! let me use your van! i want to go fishing" said Jack.

"Here are the keys!" Guy tossed Jack the keys.

Jack got into the van. there were two empty buckets and a few poles in the van. He drove to Grandpa Earl's place.

"Hey Earl. I'm going down to the river to fish. do you wanna come along?" said Jack.

"Sure. we'll take Jamal with us." they got into the Van and went down to the river.

soon they were sitting beside the river on large stone breakwalls.

"This is boring!" said Jamal. Then his Cell phone rang. it rang with loud hip hop custom ring tone. "where you at?" said Jamal. "what?" said Jamal. "where you at?" said Jamal. Grandpa Earl grabbed Jamal's cell phone and threw it into the river.

"turn that shit off" said Grandpa Earl.

After 15 more minutes of fishing Jamal said. "we ain't caught nothing. Why do you even do this?"

"It is about getting away from the Racket. catching fish isn't so important. it is getting away from the racket" said Earl. "You get away from the racket, then work through the racket you carry with you. It is about quieting down the racket"

"what good is that?" said Jamal.

"So you can go back to the racket without getting too caught up in it" said Earl.

"later, you can learn to meditate" said Jack.

"what good is meditation?" said Jamal.

"let me show you" said Jack. He took out his gun and handed it to Jamal. Then he took off his shoes and jumped into the river. He sat on the river bottom below 8 feet of water. Jack sat there for ten minutes underwater.

Meanwhile on the surface, Grandpa Earl said to Jamal. "Jack is a jackass sometimes. but he is a solid guy"

Then he took out a Camel Cigarette and lit it while under water. He smoked his cigarette under water! Then he returned to the surface and climbed ashore. "just something I learned from Popeye" said Jack.

"holy shit!" said Jamal.

"dammit Jack. you know regular people can't do that stuff" said Grandpa Earl.

"I like to meditate" said Jack.

"how can I meditate" said Jamal.

"Not like this. Don't try this at home, kids" said Jack.

"you're getting too crazy Jack. Come on Jamal" said Earl. He stood up and walked home with Jamal.

Meanwhile, in the other county, Boss Bogg was chewing out the deputies. "how can you let them Bagel Boys get away! you know we need them speeding ticket fines for revenue"!

to be continued!

Jack and Guy crossed into the next county and the town of Hickory. Down main street they stopped at Del Regt's Baker. Inside was an old man with a baker's hat.

"Del Regt!" said Jack. he and Del Regt shook hands.

"what brings you to my bakery, Jack".

"I need you to make 20 dozen bagels. they are for an orphanage!" said Jack.

"Alright I will!" said Del Regt.

Del Regt went with Jack and Guy into the stock room. An assistant was sweeping the floor. Suddenly a 50 pound sack of flour fell from the top shelf! It was on course to fall right on Jack's head! The assistant drew a sword from his broom, leaped 8 feet into the air, and chopping the sack of flour in half!

"Holy shit! that is some strong kung fu!" said Jack.

The assistant turned to Del Regt. "try to be more
careful in your stock room management. This stuff does not meet OSHA standards" said the assistant.

Del Regt was furious. "I don't need big government telling me how to manage my stock room!"

Jack turned to the assistant. "what is your origin story?"

The assistant sheathed his sword and cleared his throat. "My name is Benny Chen. In my village, we drank a lot of Soda. While I was away at reform school everyone else got diabetes and died. Today I wander America searching for an American woman without tattoos"

"Many years ago, my grandfather told me 'Do not drink the white mans pepsi'. all of the merchants in town refused to sell soda. He was killed defending the town after soda lobbyists persuaded congress to send in the military" said Jack.

"I sweep up in here and Del Regt let's me sleep on a matt in the basement" said Benny Chen.

Guy turned to Del Regt. "what is your origin story?"

"I was born in Denmark. In my village we had no tennis balls. it is hard to play tennis without any balls. At fourteen I got a job shoveling coal on a freighter ship to America. in America i worked in an automechanic garage all day and practiced tennis all evening! Soon I turned pro. I won many games. But the collectivist administers of Professional Tennis did not approve of my danish screaming and fierce grunting. soon i was banned from the game. Fortunately I come from a long line of bakers, so I opened a bakery".

Del Regt and some other assistants got to making the bagels. Jack and Guy stood outside smoking cigarettes. Suddenly a young man walked by drinking a bottle of soda. He threw his bottle on the ground and then just dropped his empty bag of chips and kept walking.
Del Regt stormed outside. "What is that racket?! I heard breaking glass"

"That fella kid disposed of his bottle on the sidewalk" said Jack.

Del Regt called after the kid. "Hey! Come back here and sweep up this glass and litter!"

The suspect turned to Del Regt. He thrust his head forward and gesticulated with wide arm, head, and trunk movements. "Man Fuck you! Shit! I don't got to pick up nothin! I am a strong muthafuckin fella! I am a real Fella!"

"You are a fella! You've got to stop being a fella!" screamed Del Regt.

"you can't call me a fella, bitch!" said the suspect. He strutted toward Del Regt. He stopped a few feet in front of Del Regt. He thrust his face forward and began cussing and repeating guttural phrases and more cussing.

"here is something you need to know" said Del Regt. He punched the suspect in the breadbox. the suspect sank to the ground, all the wind knocked out of him. Del Regt dragged him up, put him in an arm lock, and shoved his face against the brick wall. "Be quiet. just stop talking"

The suspect began cussin and nonsense talking in a more desperate tone. Del Regt punched him in the kidney and then smacked him back and forth across the head. 'Be quiet. stop talking" said Del Regt.

A police cruiser stopped in front of the bakery. It was a hickoryville police officer. "what is going on here?" said the officer.

Jack spoke up. "This fella kid broke a bottle and littered in front of the shop. When the proprieter demanded he clean it up, the fella kid got nasty."

The officer stepped walked over to talk to the suspect. Del Regt loosened his arm lock slightly. "Jamal! What would your grandmother say if she knew you were being a fella jackass?"

Jamal looked at the ground. "I'm sorry". Del Regt gave Jamal a broom and dustpan. Officer Pete called Jamal's grandmother. By the time Jamal was finished Jamal's grandma and grandpa came walking down the street. Del Regt explained to them what happened.

"I'm sorry" said Grandpa. "Our daughter was a tv-addict, her daughter was really trashy, and Jamal and his peers have put enormous energy into becoming retards".

"I didn't march with you in the 1960s so your grandkids could act like fella jackasses" said del Regt.

"I didn't march in the 1960s so my grandkids could be fella jackasses either" said Grandpa. The grandparents bought some bread, then took Jamal home.

"Aren't you afraid Jamal will come back with his Fella Friends and tear this place up?" Jack asked Del Regt.

"Jamal is the only Fella kid in town. Hickoryville doesn't produce Fellas. Jamal is from out of town. His Grandparents took him in because his mom is a fella." said Del Regt.

"where do the fellas come from?" asked Benny.

"The fella kids are just the leading edge of American Post-industrial consumerism" said Officer Pete.

Jack got into the Chevy Astro Van and buckled his safety belt. They drove onto the highway.

"What is the mission?" Guy asked him.

"We must acquire Bagels for the orphanage" said Jack.

"What is a 'Bagel'? I have never heard of them" said Guy.

"A Bagel is like, boiled or steamed bread, or something" said Jack.

"Is it like Dim Sum?" said Guy.

"....No." said Jack. "I cannot believe you don't know what bagels are"

"In my village, we ate a lot of Maize. We grew blue Maize and made tortillas." said Guy.

"Where are you from?" said Jack.

"I am from Minnesota" said Guy.

They drove down the highway for half an hour and exited onto a county road. The County road was unpaved. "Where are we going?" said Guy.

"We must journey to the town of Hickory. There is an old Bakery there."

They drove past a a traffic sign that indicated the speed limit was 45 miles per hour. As soon as they passed it, a hidden Sheriffs Deputy pulled a lever that flipped the sign over! Now it read 35 MPH!

The Sheriffs Deputy Patrol Car turned on its sirens to apprehend the Chevy Astro Van. "no Damn Way! I was not speeding" said Guy.

Jack got on the CB radio. "What is the problem, deputy?"

"You all wuz speeding in a 35!" said Deputy Elmo. His partner Deputy Wesley chimed in. "That's Right!"

"I do not believe that. hit the gas, Guy" said Jack.

The Chase was on. some blue grass music kicked up on the radio. they approached a sign on the road. "Bridge out!" said the sign.

"the Bridge over the Crick is out!" Jack warned Guy.

"Bridges? I don't need no bridges!" said Guy.

He shifted up again and hit the edge of the Crick at full Speed. The Chevy Astro Van jumped into the air! Jack stuck his head out the window "YeeeeHaaa!" he crowed.

"Yeeeee Haaaa!" crowed Guy.

The Chevy Astro van landed safely on the other side of the Crick and kept going.

Deputy Elmo braked and turned wild before he hit the Crick. His Car skidded forward and flew right into the Crick! He opened the car door and stepped hip deep into crick water. Deputy Wesley pulled a fish out of his hat and spit up some water.

"Holy Shit! that is a strong Van!" said Deputy Elmo.

Jack got out of bed 8 hours later.

"alright! only 10 hours to go!" he said aloud.

After a shower and shave and putting on his suit and tie and tying his shoes he went to the hotel lounge for a continental breakfast of raisin bran, hardboiled eggs, and coffee.

With 20 minutes to go he got a call from headquarters.

"Jack" said the boss. "we found two dozen more of those mortar devices rigged to old vending machines. they were in vacant or foreclosed homes. There was no sign of any perpetrators. they were set off by timer. Wall Street was hit by thousands of 12 ounce cans of pig shit" said the boss.

"So the terrorists are gone eh. The attack is over. you don't need me around anymore. take me off the clock, boss" said Jack.

"alright I will" said the boss.

Jack went for a second cup of coffee when his cell phone rang.

"Jack! This is sister Flanagan at the Orphanage. there is an emergency!"

"what is it Sister Flanagan!" said Jack.

"The terrorist attack on Wall Street created a panic. Our Bagel Supplier didn't open up today. The orphans won't have any bagels!"

"These orphans need bagels! I will get you the bagels!" said Jack.

"God bless you Jack!" said Sister Flanagan.

Jack made a call to his old buddy, Guy.

"Guy! I need your help! meet me at the hotel!"

20 minutes later, a man drove up to the motel. You could tell he was much stronger than an ordinary man: He kept a chevy Astro Van in really great condition.

to be continued....!

It is Hour 6 of Season 12 of '25'!

Jack is asleep.

The italians with the van are at a truck stop.

Tony is at the Emergency Room

everyone else is watching television or at chinese restaurants.

it is the end of the episode.

Jack is still asleep!